The question of TWO

So Emery wrote about this a few weeks ago and I find it amusing that all new moms seem to always be dealing with the question of two. Don't people know that raising a baby or a toddler is hard enough with out them always bugging you about when you will have another. Its as though the first one wasn't good enough for them. You can't believe how many times I sign on Myspace and see comments asking me when I will be "having another little peanut" or so on. Its frustrating because when I respond that I am not ready or that I maybe never want a second one I am attacked. I get responses like "What, Why, but you make such cute babies, or even You have to have another one." I HAVE to? Says who? If I don't is the world going to come crashing down? Hmmmmm. The problem about this is that with every one bothering me its like I never got to take the time to think about it when I was ready. People kept forcing me to think about it at a time when having a second child seemed preposterous. Because I was being forced to think about it of course my answer was always HELL NO I can't handle two. Or how do you love the second one as much. But as time has gone by and I've been allowed to be alone with my thoughts I have come to see that every mom faces those same questions. I'm sure moms wonder how they can love the fourth child as much as the first three. But people who have twins love both kids and just because they have two at once doesn't mean I can't love two born at different times right? I still don't think I'm ready to speak about this in person but I think I'm finally okay to blog about it. So here goes. I think I'm ready to entertain the idea of a second child. I was an only child and although it had its benefits like being spoiled and having all my moms attention it also had its down falls. Like having all my moms attention. I imagine I would have gotten in far less trouble if I wasn't all she had to concentrate on. I have some apprehensions though. My biggest one is that I bring my son to work with me. While this has been a wonderful experience it has also been very challenging on the days he was teething or cranky for whatever reason because my mom (who I work with) yells at me about how hard it is on her to have him here. So I'm left wondering could I really bring two kids to work. The thing is that I refuse to put my son in day care until he is old enough to speak and tell me what happened while he was there. I know I know go ahead and tell me I'm nuts and that I need to let go a little. Say it all you want and I'll say NO I DON"T he is my baby I don't need to let go at all. So there is my biggest concern. Today at work my son is running around screaming and being very mad at everyone. I can't imagine having that happen at the same time a new born is screaming for food. Really that is my biggest concern. The only other concern I have is whether I will be able to handle it mentally. I'm not going to lie there are times when my son makes me so crazy I want to crawl in a hole and hide, or throw him in a hole. But I always snap out of it and realize how much I love him. After reading a lot of mommy blogs I have started to see that I"m not the only mom out there that gets annoyed with their kid. I have friends who seem to have never experienced the urge to run away from it all and I have friends whose kids have never reduced them to tears from being overwhelmed. Again I find myself wondering if they really tell the truth or if some moms are just more stable then me. So blogger friends I am going to put this out to you. If you have two kids is it worth it. Do you handle it all. Would you do it again? The part that makes me want to have a second kid the most is the fact that I know I can do it better the second time. The second time around I will know that it is okay to put the baby down and let them self sooth. I will know that its okay if they have bottles sometimes instead of alway putting them on the boob. I will know that its okay if they sleep alone and not with me. I want to try again and do it better the second time around. So here are the questions weighing most on my mind

1. Is it okay to have another kid so they have a friend or will he be fine alone

2. Do you really love the second one as much as the first

3. Is it okay if you do things different with the second child, like not bringing them to bed or not breastfeeding as long, or letting them self sooth

4. will doing things different as stated above cause one child to feel less loved because they couldn't sleep in your bed