CHAPTER 22 THE BLUES

I didn't get to read Jenny McCarthy's book Baby laughs until Brandon was a few months older. If I had I would have been more prepared for baby blues. I had no idea what was happening. Not only was I obsessed with my son I was obsessed with crying. I would cry because was so happy about him, cry because we had no milk, cry because I was ashamed I was crying. It was awful. One day Brandon spit up and it was a little pink. I went berzirk thinking my baby was dying. After visiting the hospital I was assured that it was more then likely blood from my boob from breastfeeding. So I cried for over reacting. I became obsessed with SIDS and decided Brandon could never sleep alone. I was constantly checking to see if he was breathing. My husband had to go back to work after a week and he was working nights. Since I'm also affraid of the dark I would barricade myself in the room with some diapers and wipes and that was it. If Brandon didn't want to sleep I would cry if he went to sleep but I couldn't fall asleep I would cry. I felt like I was doing something so wrong. Finally I figured out that if I just put him on my chest we would both sleep. Only thing was I was terrified this made me a bad mom because I wasn't making my baby sleep in his crib. I DON'T CARE. He is nearly a year old and he still sleeps with me. And you know what? I DON'T CARE. My son is going to sleep with me until we move into another house and his room is right next to mine. Then I will THINK about letting him sleep alone. Anyway baby blues were awful. Thank good they only lasted about 3 weeks or so and it didn't turn in to Post partum.
Sunday July 23, 2006 - 09:25pm (PDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link