Things my husband does to make me swoon V3.0.21

This week Rob has been spending a lot of time home with Brandon. The first way that you can tell is the fact that every single toy my son owns is somewhere on the floor in my house. When I got home last night I was a little frustrated to say the least at the huge disaster in my house. However. This morning when I went into Brandon's room and saw those two I almost cried. Rob was curled up in Brandons crib (which we converted to a day bed) and Brandon was in there too with his cup of milk jumping up and down and they were both watching Ice Age I almost melted. It was sooooo cute seeing them hang out together like best buds. I loved it. Later Told me that Brandon grabbed his hand and took him in his room and pointed at his toy box until Rob opened it. Then he took out each toy and played with it. Sooo cute. After that I didn't care about the mess one bit. In fact I hoped to see that mess every day.

I'm thinking why the fuck am I on a diet again?

Have you ever noticed when you are on a diet all you think about is food? When you are not on a diet you eat whenever you want. If your hungry you eat, if your not hungry but something looks good you eat, if your stuffed but someone brings you Krispy Kremes you eat. But then you go on a diet. Suddenly you have to count calories and eat three full meals and X amount of snacks. So of course when you can't eat all you want to do is eat. You sit there counting the minutes until you can eat again and asking yourself "Am I hungry yet? How bout now? Nowwwwwwww?"

Then all that diet shit happens where they (the diet gurus) are like "only eat when you are hungry." Or "when you want to eat something to eat ask yourself why you want to eat it? Do you want to eat it because your hungry or because your bored? Measure your hunger and ask yourself if you really need to eat or if you just want to."

OKAY so I want to go into the kitchen right now and have some chocolate ice cream. Hmm How hungry am I? Ummmm well theres always room for chocolate right? Okay, am I hungry or bored? Well like I said I just want some chocolate so who cares if I'm hungry. Do I really need to eat this? OMG FUCKING DIET PEOPLE I JUST WANT SOME GODDAMN CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM WHY ARE YOU HASSLING ME ALL FUCKING DAY OVER SOME FUCKING ICE CREAM. WHO CARES IF I WANT IT. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

Fuck! Dieting would be easy if there weren't so many rules you know. I mean do they have to make you hate it? Seriously if dieting were fun and not all crazy competitive and full of rules that are way to easy to break then maybe more people would do it.

You know the worst time to diet? The week before your period. I've never had so much trouble with a diet in my life as I do the week before my period. I'm like, okay so how much chocolate can I have on 1200 calories. If I skip breakfast and dinner then I can have approximately 10 bowls of ice cream or two bowls 2 really big bowls. or like 10 hersheys kisses. Maybe I could have a bowl of ice cream with five hersheys kisses, one tablespoon of caramel, two teaspoons of chocolate syrup, 1.5 tablespoons of sprinkles, 3 teaspoons of peanut butter, one kitchen sink, and so on.

But really now! Whose idea was it for me to go on a fucking diet. Please be warned that there will be about thirtykajillionbillion posts from me whining about how much I hate diets and miss chocolate. Good luck readers.

On my way...I hope

Good morning. Today is the first day of my new healthy eating go to the gym thingy. Its almost 1:00 and I'm doing pretty good as far as the eating thing goes. I'm not at all excited to go to the gym but I have to go or I have to do all the dishes tonight. I really hope that I can get back into going to the gym but I'm afraid that when Rob starts his new job next week our schedules won't allow me to go at the time I like to go. Things at work have been really difficult since Friday when I had it out with my boss. Feels like everyone here is walking on eggshells. I guess a lot of it is my fault because as you know I work for my mom and I guess that a big part of me really doesn't want to be here anymore. I really just want to go be home with Brandon. Don't get me wrong I don't think I could ever actually be a stay at home mom because I would be bored out of my mind but I really wouldn't mind working only 3 days a week. I guess between that and some other general work frustrations I haven't been the most fun person to work with. To be perfectly honest though I don't think any of us here in the office have been in the best spirits. There are so many difficult things going on here and so many things between my mom and I that it really just interferes with my work. Friday we got into a huge argument because she misunderstood a lot of things I said and made a lot of assumptions and it just exploded from there. I finally said a lot of things I had been trying to say for so long and that just added fuel to the fire. I don't know what I was supposed to do though. I go on being silent for so long because no matter what I say it somehow causes bigger problems that it is just easier for me to suffer in silence.

I've been really thinking strongly about having a second child and no matter what worries I have, the biggest worry I have is that I can't handle bringing a second child to work. It's already so hard to do with one I can't imagine bringing another one here. Yes! part of that is my fault because I refuse to put Brandon in day care but on the other hand thats my decision as a mom to make. I know its nice that they let me bring him here but they shouldn't remind me how nice it is every day. I feel like all day long all he hears is No, No , NO because he's always into something and it seems like everything here is stuff he can't touch. So now I'm left feeling like I can't have a second child because it wouldn't be fair to have two kids here. It is the worst feeling in the world to be 25 years old and have your parents control every single decision you make because you work for them. I can't leave because of insurance. I can't leave because I would have to put Brandon in day care. I can't leave because it would screw them because no one else here seems to do work like I do. I've left in the past and it turns into such a disaster at work and in the family. The biggest thing is that I don't want to deprive Brandon of his family because if I left that is what would happen, they would quit speaking to me. I just don't know what to do with myself. A lot of my diet troubles stem from my work issues and everything going on here. I just don't know what to do with myself here.

And you think you want to be a mom?

Here are a few things I think everyone should know who has a kid or is considering having one.

Buy all socks in one style and all matching. This will make you life so much easier when you are rushing around in the morning and your kid is completely dress and the only thing holding you back is finding a pair of fucking socks that match.

Once you get socks you should hang a mesh bag on the wall near your kids clothes hamper and put all socks in this bag to assure yourself that the washing machine sock eating monster will not eat your socks.

When you find something your child likes i.e. coveted leak proof sippy cup with a straw in it, run out and but 43 of them. This will come in handy so when your kid is screaming at the top of his lungs for his damn cup and all you can find at every single store is cups that he takes one look at and chucks at your head.

Get an economy size bottle of Valium. Boys will freak you the fuck out. Forget child proofing they will outsmart it. Forget putting foam on corners they will hit hard enough to make the foam obsolete. They will jump off of everything, run into everything and also head butt you right in the head, teeth, mouth, temple and so on, just because their FATHERS taught them how to. If you think it looks scary it will make them laugh.

Leave the child safety locks at the store. They will figure out how to open the doors to all cabinets. This includes opening your bathroom cabinet and finding your tampons and running around the house unwrapping them and leaving tampon parts for your guests to find.

Do not put your very expensive ceramic Le Creuset pots in lower cabinets. They will climb in said cabinets and throw those pots out first because they are shiny and made of pretty colors.

String cheese does actually melt and CAN be smashed into your couch cushions.

Get some sort of hard wood or laminate. Babies leak. Sippy cups leak. Baby spoons leak. Everything about babies leaks on floors and it all stains. It is all invisible at first until it dries into a big black! spot.

WHERE'S BRANDON

Okay people this is my first venture with video. It's also taken from my cellphone so bare with me until my husband gives in and lets me get a grown up video camera that will record to my computer. Gosh!

How to be a genius

So like I mentioned before an old friend of mine Jenny got in contact with me. During one of our messages she brought up "THE DOORSTEP INCIDENT" HA! I started laughing so hard and decided I would share this with the world so you could all see what a jackass I was when I was friends with Shanna.

It was sophomore year. I only know this because I was driving my ford when Shanna and I went to start shit. I was grounded (no clue why but it had to be bad because I only got grounded maybe two times) so I was supposed to leave school and head directly to work. On the way out of the parking lot Jen pulled in front of me and flipped me off. Now! there was no reason for this because Jen and I had not a single problem with each other besides the fact that Shanna HATED! no wait DESPISED!! her because Jen was dating Shannas ex from like 25 years earlier. (side note:Shanna claimed all men as hers, if she dated them you did not ever look or talk to them. If she did not date them you still did not look or talk to them in case she felt like dating them) So I guess I was hated by association. Okay truth I'm sure there might have been some Shanna induced shit talking towards Jen but still I really had no reason not to like her.

Back to the point. I see her middle finger come out of her sunroof (I think, that may not be right could have been drivers window) and I'm furious for no reason other then I feel like stirring up shit. So I drive to Shannas grab her and tell her what just happened. BRILLIANT right? Ya I mean I was in high school so why not go looking for a reason to stir up shit. Shanna freaks out and decides she wants to go to Jens house. OK YAY lets load up and drive to someones house and yell at them. Again! Brilliant. We were fucking geniuses. We show up on her doorstep and her mom answers the door. YES I can definitely see how we thought this through. We ask to see Jen and the next thing I know Shanna is screaming at her and I'm throwing in a few YA's and nasty looks. The whole time we are doing this her mom is right there. Towards the end I begin to ask myself what the fuck we were doing screaming at this girl in front of her parents. You know that part in the Movie breakfast club where the Jock says he beat up the guy and his dad was so proud and then he thought about how that guy felt having to go home and and tell his dad he had just been beaten up? That is how I started feeling. All the sudden I was like wow how must this look to Jens mom now. Genius? NO! Jerks were more like it. After that I made a pretty big effort to just generally avoid Jen that way I didn't have to confront the situation. I remember running into her a few years later at the farmers market and she was really nice to me and I was thinking to myself what on earth could this girl have ever done to deserve that. Luckily in high school a few years later Jen and I made up and even went to a prom together with all our friends and had a great time.

So there you go. The famous doorstep incident which sounds so much more to me like the famous dumb ass incident. Ha! I think I could come up with a whole book of dumb shit stuff Shanna talked me into doing. On the flip side Jen do you remember that prom? The one where Nicole and Alla got all mad at each other because Alli had "been" with Scott, Nicoles date? Member we had to go because we weren't part of the SIX PACK. Sooooo don't miss high school.

Thanks Jenn for reading my Blog...Now I have 6 whole readers. Woohoo!

I’m drivng to San Francisco right now and I had to write. I was on my new cell phone and was able to check my Myspace and I just received a message from Jenn. She’s a girl that I went to high school with and it is making me totally fucking nuts that my phone won’t let me write her back. I bring this up because she is reading my blog now (YAY ANOTHER READER WOOOO FINALLY) and she stumbled onto the post about Shanna. When I wrote that post or actually most of my posts I always hesitate to use real names. But then I realize that part of writing the blog is just to get my feelings out and be heard and part of it is really just to say sorry to so many people. It was so cathartic writing about Shanna and finally admitting to the whole world why I was the way I was in high school. I needed people to know that I didn’t mean to be horrible I just didn’t know any other way. One thing I knew was that by putting Shanna’s name on here was that the people I hurt would know I was talking to them and there were a lot of them.

It happened today. Jenn found my blog and she read about Shanna and she totally got it. She knew I was speaking to her (and thousands of others) when I said I was sorry. Honestly I think she let me off the hook way to easily and I am so thankful for that. Right at that moment I knew that putting Shanna’s name out there was the right thing to do. I didn’t do it to hurt Shanna I did it to speak personally to all of the people I was trying to apologize to. Should Shanna ever stumble across this blog I’m sure the shit will fly BUT SO FUCKING WHAT, No really SO! WHAT! what is she going to do? Yell at me and make people stop being my friend? Big fucking deal right? I’ve got my friends now, my real ones, the ones who won’t run because big bad Shanna SAID SO. Uggg how obnoxious that I spent my whole life being a fucking assfuck like her. I’m so glad I reached Jen. In fact I had scanned her page a few times on Myspace but was really afraid to write out of fear that she would hold me responsible for all the horrible things Shanna did to her. I’m so glad that I now get to push ADD FRIEND to another person I never thought I would be able to add. Yay for me right! Hell ya. Come on everyone and jumœp on the SHANNA SUCKS FOR BRINGING ME DOWN BANDWAGON, All aboard choochooo!! But really CHOOCHOO. Join the cool new clique*. The clique where being nice is fucking awesome. Where everyone is friends just for the shit of it. Stephanie jumped on, I think Jenn will too, whose next. Come on people and join the nice bus. Do that thing from that one Adam Sandler movie you know, where he calls and apologizes. DO. IT. Say sorry to someone even if its just your little brother, just say your sorry, let go and move on people. You will feel so much better.
REMEMBER: You have to lose sight of the shore to discover new oceans
AND: Each of us must withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.

*Disclaimer, clique members must not be afraid to say the following words, fuck, shit, ass, assfuck, fuckity fuck, fucker fuck and any other variation of the words shitfuckass. All clique members must also understand that most of my posts will contain all above listed words at least once in the blog and tough luck if you hate it. Isn’t it enough that I’m being nice? You can’t make me give up my favorite words too. Oh yeah I totally had to add FUCKITY to my spell check dictionary. Woooo!!!!

I think I figured it out

I was reading Oprahs magazine tonight and it was talking about how in order to change your eating habits and exercise habits you have to reprogram your brain to think it is getting a reward. And it has to be a good reward and one that is daily. So I figured it out. Every time I go work out I get to read my friends blogs. I have become pretty addicted to blogs so that is why it will give me a total dopamine rush to come home from working out and read my blogs. However I still get to post blogs because I need the release. So what I come up with for that is that every time I'm good with my eating for an hour I'm allowed to blog. So if I eat chocolate and then I want to post for the next hour even if I am dying to do it. This means if you don't hear anything from me for a few days its because I'm super sucking at being healthy like I wanted. I still think I will start the exercise part next Tuesday. So wish me luck. See ya.

The day of the random posts

Can my posts be any more random and boring? And, Really can I write any more posts in one day? I mean really whats my problem? I'm like some weird posty blog girl that can't stop. Maybe I need to vacuum out my brain and get rid of all the crap that is just jumbling up in there. Seriously what is this post number fiftyteen or something? I'm so lost anymore. O man my son is screaming again gotta go get him.

I wish I could SEES you

Wow! I am having a severe "I NEED SOME CHOCOLATE" moment and all I can find is 4, yes! FOUR! Hersheys kisses. Where is a Sees candy when you need one? I'm going to start a wish list on here and fill it up with chocolate.