He He He

Sort of a play date...very much in my face

My friend Alli just moved back from Vegas. Alli has two kids. I believe they are ages 6 and 5 but don't quote me on that. She had these kids way before I thought of having kids and back when I was all,
"You don't have to be a parent to know how to parent." (Yes I was this ignorant)
So I made all kinds of comments on her parenting, like how I couldn't understand how in 5 years she has only spent like one night away (I still don't get it.)

Or how she has made it 5 yeas without really having a job (are you kidding me, I need to work even if I take him I NEED TO WORK.)

Or how sometimes kids have to get hurt and get dirty (DUH)

Or comments to other moms about how babies or toddler SO SHOULD NEVER SLEEP IN BED WITH THEIR PARENTS!!! EVER!!

I've made these sorts of comments to all of my friends with kids. Then I had a kid and when I made the decision to let my son sleep in my bed the first thing I did was apologize to people and say you know I didn't have a kid I didn't know any better. MOST (i.e. all but one) of my friends totally understood and giggled at me for being the dumbshit knowitall friend who was now smitten with her kid. Then there was that one. Alli. She found ever second of a chance to remind me "I remember when you said this", "I remember when you judged me for that!" Ya whatever shut up I said sorry already.

Back to the damn playdate thingy. Actually it was just the Alli had locked herself out of her house and needed to come over with the kids for a while until she could get in. The time went something like this.

Me: Sorry he has picked up a few choice words (i.e. Oh fuck and Oh shit)

Alli: O it's okay, MY KIDS KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG

Me thinking: Well fuck you very much (wasn't your son the one walking around saying shit just back in August?? Hmmm? HMMMM?)
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Me (as Brandon dances on the coffee table): Gosh my kid is probably a bad influence

Alli: O no my kids would never do something like that, they know what to do and what not to do!

Me thinking: Well aren't you some super special fucking super mom
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Alli: You know if you ever want me to baby sit I can

Me: Ya maybe in a while he isn't really so good with the leaving me to hang out with people he doesn't know yet thing.

Alli: Well you have to do it sometime you know so he doesn't end up all clingy

Me: I know, when we are both ready.

Alli: Well you know this is WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. You need to bring him over for 15 minutes and then 30 mintues and then an hour and each time he will scream for a while or the whole time but he will get used to me.

Me thinking: Because I just have 15 minutes to drop my kid of at your house while I sit on the porch listening to him scream for no fucking reason when we could be playing happily at the park.

Alli: It's hard I know, BUT! DON'T! WORRY! I'M! NOT! JUDGING! YOU! AT! ALL!!!

Me thinking: What the fuck I never thought you were judging me till you just brought it up and even if you are who the fuck cares I'm not like you I don't care if you think I'm doing it wrong, I'm the mom, not you, he's mine, not yours, no I don't have to leave him anywhere and force him to scream if I'm just not ready. I don't need to leave him with someone just so he can grow up and think his mom didn't love him or get hurt and remember that one time his mommy wasn't there when he got hurt.

Alli: Don't worry you'll be fine but you have to do it

Me thinking: Blah blah I'm Alli I have more kids then you I'm a know it all, I am going to over advise you the way you spat out your advice before, Blah blah...get out of my house play date over.
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Later Chase (her son) and Brandon were playing and Chase was building blocks. Well my son seriously has something against blocks being stacked in any kind of orderly fashion and immediately rushes over to bash his fist through the blocks and then swoosh his hand back and forth over the top to make sure no block was left neatly stacked anywhere near another block. Chase starts getting all sad and boohoo so Alli called him over and whispered (but not really a whisper)

"Chase he's just a baby and he doesn't know any better so don't get mad at him that he knocked them over, he just doesn't understand that you are building stuff and that he needs to let you play with the toys."

WHAT I HEARD
"Chase he is just a baby whose mom hasn't taught him yet that you don't touch toys when other kids are playing with them, and he obviously doesn't know right from wrong, and don't get mad because it isn't his fault his mom lets him get away with things I would never ever let my precious angels do!!!!!!"

Am I just out of my mind or what people. Please don't come to my house and spew your I'm not judging you bullshit when you are clearly judging me because I don't want to stifle my sons creative side. So what if he climbs on the coffee table and dances. He is happy when he is up there. And so what if he knocks over blocks. I once remember Alli telling me that it was okay that her son at a Kit Kat sideways because it was his way of showing his creativity and that he was different. Okay so Brandon knocking over blocks is just him being creative and seeing outside the box. I am proud that my son doesn't look at blocks and think they have to be neatly lined up or stacked. My son crashes and smashes like a boy!!!! Thats right a BOY not a sissy la la!! I'm sorry I'm not one of those moms whose all "Don't take the cushions off the couch and then jump off the coffee table on them missing the glass ledge of the TV stand by a millimeter." Or I'm not like "Couches are meant for sitting not for walking, jumping or playing or fort building."

I am the mom of a BOY! A creative boy. A boy who will be a boy and run and jump and bump and bruise and HiYA and Karate chop and kerpow and blasto. My son can play cowboys and Indians with his toy gun and I'm sorry I don't care if it looks like a real cowboy gun and I'm sorry if I'm teaching him its okay to play cowboys and Indians rather then taking away all toy guns because they resemble FUN!!!! I'm sorry I let my son watch SpongeBob even though this one time in one episode SpongeBob said Shut up and another time someone maybe say I'll kick your butt. I don't care. My son is a boy and he's going to stay that way. So let the couch jumping, block throwing, truck smashing, naked dancing on the table begin!!!!!!

**Side note to Cheatwoods!!! I love that you take pictures of Josiah smashing the blocks after Jeramy stacks them and I extra love that you have the motto that it is totally okay that your son piles up the couch cushions and then flings himself off of high places on them simply because HE IS A BOY!!!. Thank gosh there are still some people out there who actually believe boys will be boys. You rock Jessica. YOU ROCK!!!

Look at my new toy

Okay everyone check out my fabulous new toy.



If you know me you know I have a few mild obsessions. Shoes! Purses! Oh yeah, my son!! and Cell phone, PDA, QWERTY, thingies!!!! So last week I was watching Tivo'd episodes of the fabulous Rachael Ray show when they had a segment on the new hot things of 2007 and that is when they showed IT. The T-Mobile DASH. I was all ohmygoshlookathat and was immediately online searching for it and then rushing in to show Rob a picture and repeat about 400 times ohhowcute it was. (Side note you should all know Rob has a much worse cell phone gadgity obsession then I do.) Anyway for no reason at all we went to the Bulleys in the mall and somehow stopped off at the Tmobile store and there may or may not have been some serious eyelash batting but either way I ended up walking out of the store with my new DASH. Thats right folks before Christmas. Because I mean I couldn't be bothered to wait until after Christmas and then have to actually call customer service and transfer service and all that stuff you know.

A list of things my fabulous new toy does.

Shows my email right there on the front page
Has Yahoo and AOL messanger right there
Has a full QWERTY
Does not flip, fold or, twirl like previous two damn sidekicks (yes I traded in a perfectly good perfectly well working $300.00 phone for a brand new phone just because it didn't flip)
Has a video camera
Looks way cool almost like Blackberry but not quite so stuffy and businessy
Is shiny and new and no one else has one yet

Learning how to be a friend and not a push over

Deleted

Little boys can be soooo cute....who taught them that

My son has learned a new trick. When he is bad he will run up and give you a kiss. However by far the cutest new trick my son has picked up is when he gives me a hug he pats my back. It is the sweetest most endearing thing I've ever seen or felt. The worstest (yeah yeah not a word) part is when he gets in trouble and I can't even get mad cuz he runs over and hugs me and pats my back. That little shit. Darnit I love him way to much.

Ode to breastfeeding

Okay so first of all I'm not even really quite sure what an ODE is but it sounded cool in the title. I miss breast feeding sooooo much. Here are some of the things that have happened since I quit.

Son developed first cold which wasn't just a cold but turned into a disgusting snotty sinus infection causing him to turn into a cranky, whining, snot filled boy who refused to eat but had tons of poop to shoot at me even though I don't know how he was making it since he-wouldn't-eat-a-thing.

Boobs what boobs. I now have two smallish (well small D's) pancake thingies where my jumbo wumbo's used to be

Period moved from super bad to mega-ultra-screaming-bring-me-the-vicodin-or-I-will-kill-someone-BAD

Son started trying to find random things to suck on to console himself even though he had never sucked on anything since the day he was born (aside from my boob)

Son quit sleeping and when he did sleep decided 3/4's of his body had to be touching mine.

I MISS BREASTFEEDING. With the next on I'm just never ever ever gong to stop!!!!!!!

The intended blog will no longer be posted

Last night I was thinking about posting blogs today. I had this wonderful idea of posting a blog declaring my new diet. I was going to go on a diet and it was going to be glamorous and I was considering posting pictures of myself in the process of losing weight. I was watching Rachael Ray this week and they had a goal lady on and she said that we should declare our goals and write them down to make them happen. So I had every intention of coming on here and declaring that I was going to lose 20 pounds. I was going to tell you all the things that I could still eat on my fabulous new self invented diet and I was going to let you all know that I would be going back to the gym. It was all going to be beautiful and you would all encourage me and scold me when I did bad. Then I woke up this morning and started my period. Man those truffles I ate for breakfast sure were good. Maybe I'll think about writing that blog again next Monday when I don't feel like snarfing down the 20 cookies Katie just brought over dunked a container of chocolate frosting and then throwing back a whole bottle of vicodin while karate chopping my husband because he looked at me wrong. Going to the gym this week. HA ya right. Maybe if you want me to walk around randomly kicking people in the shin for being shiny happy skinny people who aren't on their period. So like I said maybe I will write that blog on Monday maybe not. Wouldn't you like it if I did. Ha right now you can all suck a duck. (Just kidding blog fans please don't leave but man do I feel like shit and I don't like anyone who doesn't feel like shit right now so yeah....suck a duck)

The question of faith

Sooooooooooooo. Ya. I'm not so clear on this whole religion thing. For a long time I was Catholic which actually just meant that I checked the Catholic box on questioneers and I was baptized. Then for a long time I just decided that I didn't want to believe in religion. My theory was basically who created God? As soon as someone could tell me who exactly created God then I would be fine. I kind of became a big jerk about it and just really didn't want to bother with it. I think it was more because the religious people in my life weren't just religious they were shoving their religion down my throat and looking down on me for not following it. When I met my husband he let me know that although he didn't practice religion he did believe in God and that was important to him. My mom went through a lot of different religions before deciding she didn't want a religion at all and she was kind of a jerk about that also. A few months or weeks before I got pregnant I tried out that whole praying thing. I prayed for a baby. Then I got one. I couldn't help thinking that maybe it was because I prayed. I kept this to myself for a while before mentioning it to my husband and a few other people. Surprisingly the responses I got were mostly good for me for trying it out. I also got a lecture about how I couldn't just pray to ask for things. So I've been toying with the notion of religion and beliefs for a while and I still didn't or don't know where I stand. At Thanksgiving I shocked my entire family by asking if we could say grace before dinner. It wasn't to impress anyone it was just that at that moment it really felt like the right thing to do to just take a second to be thankful.

On to tonight. I was driving home with my mom tonight talking all about how having my son changed me and one of the ways was that I was starting to pray. She basically told me that she didn't believe that it was a good change or a necessary one. I told her what so many thousands of people have been saying to me for years now, "What do I have to lose by saying a prayer?" I said you know I wasn't sure I believed it until I got pregnant after I prayed and she said that I just got pregnant because I did not because I prayed. I was a little irked. The last few nights I've caught myself closing my eyes and praying for my sons safety and happiness and praying that I am around for him. I don't know if I'm doing it right or if anyone is listening but it makes me feel better doing it. I can't honestly say I believe in a religion at all. I know that I would love to believe in angels and I want to believe in prayer. Although I have no clue exactly who I'm praying to I would like to think that someone is listening to me.

I can't say I will ever actually read the bible or pick a real religion. I have no idea what a psalm is or who ezikial or whatnot is. I don't quite understand church I'm not entirely sure why you have to go somewhere to show God you love him. Its just like I don't get using Valentines Day as a reason to say I love you when you should do that every day anyway. All I know is that I finally made this decision for me. I finally made the decision to try out praying. I'm sorry if I'm doing it wrong and I only do it when I want to pray for my son or pray that I'm around for him.

So that is my odd little rant for the night. I was just very disturbed that I finally made this important decision and I was kind of shut down. Goodnight all. Oh yeah this doesn't mean though that I will like Christmas music now.

Brandon: A day in the life of a toddler at work with mom.

First I bring some papers to grandma

Then as a reward for doing so good she lets me play with her sticky notes


Then I take off all my clothes and play on my slide

Then since having my clothes of feels so good I take off my diaper and try and run around naked


Then as a joke I bring you a diaper but run when you try and put it on


Then I play with some toys naked

Then I get in trouble for peeing on the floor so they make me wear a diaper again...But they give me Popsicles or gogurt so I don't feel sad


Then I try and hide so they don't catch me trying to see what a black stamp pad taste like

Then I play hide and seek in a box that grandpa made for me

Then I finally pass out playing so mom has to put me in bed

Then I wake up and see how cute I am so I try and take a picture for mom to blog about


Then I make some important phone calls and remind everyone that I'm boss


Then grandma gives me a bowl of cream cheese just to make mom mad and it totally works



And then finally mom takes me home and we start everything all over. Its no wonder mom doesn't get a thing done all day at work

I hate being a pushover

I don't understand myself. Why am I such a pushover. Today a family member really really pissed me off and instead of just telling her to stop what she was doing I said it was fine. Here is the story. I have this family member who somehow always seems to do the exact same thing as me, usually after me and then somehow the rest of the family asks why it is I copy her so much. It drives me insane. So with Christmas around the corner and most of the family deciding they were going to bake I went through great pains to keep quite what I was making this year so no one could copy me. This person told me in advance what they were making so I was 100% sure what I made wouldn't be even sort of the same. Suddenly today she informs me she is making the exact same thing as me. I found the idea on a favorite website of mine and I guess it is my own damn fault that I said I found my idea from that place. She was all "O I never would have thought to look there for recipes" and I knew I was screwed. I just kept hoping maybe she wouldn't pick what I did but as always she did. Now I'm going to hear that I copied her and then I'll hear that she probably did it better. So why didn't I just say don't make that? She has told me plenty of times what not to do. But still I'm so nice I just said fine whatever I'll deal with it. I am furious. I am so tired of being one upped or copied. Its every little thing. Hair styles, house decorating and so on. It gets so old. I know people say that its the sincerest form of flattery but I'm just over it.