Learning how to be a friend and not a push over

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Little boys can be soooo cute....who taught them that

My son has learned a new trick. When he is bad he will run up and give you a kiss. However by far the cutest new trick my son has picked up is when he gives me a hug he pats my back. It is the sweetest most endearing thing I've ever seen or felt. The worstest (yeah yeah not a word) part is when he gets in trouble and I can't even get mad cuz he runs over and hugs me and pats my back. That little shit. Darnit I love him way to much.

Ode to breastfeeding

Okay so first of all I'm not even really quite sure what an ODE is but it sounded cool in the title. I miss breast feeding sooooo much. Here are some of the things that have happened since I quit.

Son developed first cold which wasn't just a cold but turned into a disgusting snotty sinus infection causing him to turn into a cranky, whining, snot filled boy who refused to eat but had tons of poop to shoot at me even though I don't know how he was making it since he-wouldn't-eat-a-thing.

Boobs what boobs. I now have two smallish (well small D's) pancake thingies where my jumbo wumbo's used to be

Period moved from super bad to mega-ultra-screaming-bring-me-the-vicodin-or-I-will-kill-someone-BAD

Son started trying to find random things to suck on to console himself even though he had never sucked on anything since the day he was born (aside from my boob)

Son quit sleeping and when he did sleep decided 3/4's of his body had to be touching mine.

I MISS BREASTFEEDING. With the next on I'm just never ever ever gong to stop!!!!!!!

The intended blog will no longer be posted

Last night I was thinking about posting blogs today. I had this wonderful idea of posting a blog declaring my new diet. I was going to go on a diet and it was going to be glamorous and I was considering posting pictures of myself in the process of losing weight. I was watching Rachael Ray this week and they had a goal lady on and she said that we should declare our goals and write them down to make them happen. So I had every intention of coming on here and declaring that I was going to lose 20 pounds. I was going to tell you all the things that I could still eat on my fabulous new self invented diet and I was going to let you all know that I would be going back to the gym. It was all going to be beautiful and you would all encourage me and scold me when I did bad. Then I woke up this morning and started my period. Man those truffles I ate for breakfast sure were good. Maybe I'll think about writing that blog again next Monday when I don't feel like snarfing down the 20 cookies Katie just brought over dunked a container of chocolate frosting and then throwing back a whole bottle of vicodin while karate chopping my husband because he looked at me wrong. Going to the gym this week. HA ya right. Maybe if you want me to walk around randomly kicking people in the shin for being shiny happy skinny people who aren't on their period. So like I said maybe I will write that blog on Monday maybe not. Wouldn't you like it if I did. Ha right now you can all suck a duck. (Just kidding blog fans please don't leave but man do I feel like shit and I don't like anyone who doesn't feel like shit right now so yeah....suck a duck)

The question of faith

Sooooooooooooo. Ya. I'm not so clear on this whole religion thing. For a long time I was Catholic which actually just meant that I checked the Catholic box on questioneers and I was baptized. Then for a long time I just decided that I didn't want to believe in religion. My theory was basically who created God? As soon as someone could tell me who exactly created God then I would be fine. I kind of became a big jerk about it and just really didn't want to bother with it. I think it was more because the religious people in my life weren't just religious they were shoving their religion down my throat and looking down on me for not following it. When I met my husband he let me know that although he didn't practice religion he did believe in God and that was important to him. My mom went through a lot of different religions before deciding she didn't want a religion at all and she was kind of a jerk about that also. A few months or weeks before I got pregnant I tried out that whole praying thing. I prayed for a baby. Then I got one. I couldn't help thinking that maybe it was because I prayed. I kept this to myself for a while before mentioning it to my husband and a few other people. Surprisingly the responses I got were mostly good for me for trying it out. I also got a lecture about how I couldn't just pray to ask for things. So I've been toying with the notion of religion and beliefs for a while and I still didn't or don't know where I stand. At Thanksgiving I shocked my entire family by asking if we could say grace before dinner. It wasn't to impress anyone it was just that at that moment it really felt like the right thing to do to just take a second to be thankful.

On to tonight. I was driving home with my mom tonight talking all about how having my son changed me and one of the ways was that I was starting to pray. She basically told me that she didn't believe that it was a good change or a necessary one. I told her what so many thousands of people have been saying to me for years now, "What do I have to lose by saying a prayer?" I said you know I wasn't sure I believed it until I got pregnant after I prayed and she said that I just got pregnant because I did not because I prayed. I was a little irked. The last few nights I've caught myself closing my eyes and praying for my sons safety and happiness and praying that I am around for him. I don't know if I'm doing it right or if anyone is listening but it makes me feel better doing it. I can't honestly say I believe in a religion at all. I know that I would love to believe in angels and I want to believe in prayer. Although I have no clue exactly who I'm praying to I would like to think that someone is listening to me.

I can't say I will ever actually read the bible or pick a real religion. I have no idea what a psalm is or who ezikial or whatnot is. I don't quite understand church I'm not entirely sure why you have to go somewhere to show God you love him. Its just like I don't get using Valentines Day as a reason to say I love you when you should do that every day anyway. All I know is that I finally made this decision for me. I finally made the decision to try out praying. I'm sorry if I'm doing it wrong and I only do it when I want to pray for my son or pray that I'm around for him.

So that is my odd little rant for the night. I was just very disturbed that I finally made this important decision and I was kind of shut down. Goodnight all. Oh yeah this doesn't mean though that I will like Christmas music now.

Brandon: A day in the life of a toddler at work with mom.

First I bring some papers to grandma

Then as a reward for doing so good she lets me play with her sticky notes


Then I take off all my clothes and play on my slide

Then since having my clothes of feels so good I take off my diaper and try and run around naked


Then as a joke I bring you a diaper but run when you try and put it on


Then I play with some toys naked

Then I get in trouble for peeing on the floor so they make me wear a diaper again...But they give me Popsicles or gogurt so I don't feel sad


Then I try and hide so they don't catch me trying to see what a black stamp pad taste like

Then I play hide and seek in a box that grandpa made for me

Then I finally pass out playing so mom has to put me in bed

Then I wake up and see how cute I am so I try and take a picture for mom to blog about


Then I make some important phone calls and remind everyone that I'm boss


Then grandma gives me a bowl of cream cheese just to make mom mad and it totally works



And then finally mom takes me home and we start everything all over. Its no wonder mom doesn't get a thing done all day at work

I hate being a pushover

I don't understand myself. Why am I such a pushover. Today a family member really really pissed me off and instead of just telling her to stop what she was doing I said it was fine. Here is the story. I have this family member who somehow always seems to do the exact same thing as me, usually after me and then somehow the rest of the family asks why it is I copy her so much. It drives me insane. So with Christmas around the corner and most of the family deciding they were going to bake I went through great pains to keep quite what I was making this year so no one could copy me. This person told me in advance what they were making so I was 100% sure what I made wouldn't be even sort of the same. Suddenly today she informs me she is making the exact same thing as me. I found the idea on a favorite website of mine and I guess it is my own damn fault that I said I found my idea from that place. She was all "O I never would have thought to look there for recipes" and I knew I was screwed. I just kept hoping maybe she wouldn't pick what I did but as always she did. Now I'm going to hear that I copied her and then I'll hear that she probably did it better. So why didn't I just say don't make that? She has told me plenty of times what not to do. But still I'm so nice I just said fine whatever I'll deal with it. I am furious. I am so tired of being one upped or copied. Its every little thing. Hair styles, house decorating and so on. It gets so old. I know people say that its the sincerest form of flattery but I'm just over it.

How my son made me cry last night

Brandon has never been big on sucking on things. He used a pacifier maybe 4 times and drank from a bottle probably less then 10 times. He was always nursed and that was how we both liked it. Lately he has started playing and then just laying down and going to sleep. So last night you can imagine my shock when he laid down next to the Christmas tree and started sucking on the beads that were sewn onto my tree skirt. It was sooo sad. All the sudden I realized that maybe he wasn't ready to be done nursing and now I just feel like a huge jerk. I can't believe that he was looking for that comfort from anyone but me. I didn't know how to feel about it. It wasn't until the middle of the night when he was fussing and practically laying right on top of me to sleep that I realized maybe that is the problem. Maybe his restlessness is due to lack of comfort. I feel so bad now.

Reasons my husband makes me swoon part 2

It is so small but I love when my husband used to put his last name on my stuff when he would take it to work. For example I used to have this little portable radio and he would pack it to work with him since his truck didn't have a stereo in it. This was way before we were married and one day I noticed my stereo said Mateo on it. I giggled and thought it was funny. Then he started taking my coveted Starbucks coffee mugs to work with him. One day I noticed that my favorite mug had MATEO written in his perfect penmanship on the back. I guess I never really thought much about it again until last week when I was drinking coffee and noticed the MATEO written in little letters on my mug. I stopped in my tracks and thought wow thats my name now. Then I realized that little silly things like that would be the things that would get me if I ever lost my husband. Not because its his name but because I can imagine the moment he was in when he wrote on it. I can see him all bundled up in his neon colored work shirt sitting in his work truck. He would pull out the trusty Sharpie he always has in his pocket and ever so carefully spell out the letters of his name. Then I can see him putting back the Sharpie and going back to his hard day at work. Something that small would surely send me reeling if he was ever gone. The odd thing is now even though he isn't gone it still gets me when I see it. I never remember which mug its on before I grab it. I don't even think about it at all until its sitting there on my desk and that tiny little MATEO looks at me. Thats when I think of everything he does at work all day for us. That little name has such a huge meaning for me. He gets up so early and works in bad weather all day just to make life easy for me and my son. I can't wait till I come across more silly little things he has labeled. But for now this silly little coffee mug totally eases the craziness in my heart today.

Why I want to pelt my Rite Aid pharmacist with oranges

Brandon has a sinus infection. Actually Brandon has had a sinus infection for over two weeks now but everyone thought I was crazy. The biggest sign I guess was that he has had the worst stink mouth ever. I actually called his doctor last week and asked the nurse about this and she informed me that it was probably because he had something stuck up his nose. The following are her instructions!
Put saline drops up his nose. Wait a second then plug one side of his nose and blow hard in his mouth till air comes out the other side of his nose. Repeat on other side and see if anything pops out.
So I do this. First of all can any of you moms imagine actually trying to do this to your child with out getting, punched, kicked and bitten in that order? The stink went away for a couple days and came back. So after two and a half weeks of whining, crying , super annoying baby I decide we are going to visit the doctor. He takes one look at Brandons nose and throat and says DUH SINUS INFECTION. Then he says...

"THE STINKY MOUTH SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR FIRST SIGN!" WHAT!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me I called your nurse and told her that. At this point he must have wanted me to bomb his whole entire office then rebuild it and bomb it again. Oh wait he then threw in that Brandon has two molars coming in and that might also be a source of some of the fussiness. NO SHIT SHERLOCK, YOU DON'T SAY.

So he finally prescribes us some amoxicillin and says to also give Brandon Motrin and Orajel as needed. Oh guess what he even told me the correct dosage of Motrin so rather then under dosing my son and wondering why on earth THE-FUCKING-MOTRIN-WORKS-FOR-EVERY-KID-BUT-MINE I can finally give it to him and watch it work. The doctor sends me off with a prescription for, fluoride, the amoxicillin and some more epi pens. I joyously run off to Rite Aid to fill the prescriptions and am told she can't read the doctors writing she will call him and call me later. Fine whatever whore. Sorry but at this point I'm a little irritated. Finally stupid Rite Aid lady calls and says I can come pick up all of my goodies. I go and the the pharmacist informs the that its all mixed up and ready to go. WHAT!!!! I don't even get to choose a flavor? NOOOOOOOOO he makes my sons medicing ORANGE flavor. ORANGE people. My son hates orange. Now in order to get my son who usually delights in taking his berry flavor motrin and Mylecon and his peach flavor flouirde refuses to take his medicine. This means I have to use one arm to hold his legs one arm to hold his arms, one hand to hold his head one hand to pry open his mouth and grab the medicine dropper out of my own mouth and try to get it all in before he over powers me and wiggles away. This leaves me and my son covered in milky white medicine and half of it still in the dropper. I end up having to try and pry open even the side of his mouth and squirt it in as fast as I can. The other night I was so desperate I even tried mixing in some strawberry milk powder. No tricking this kid. He took off running and tried to hide from me. A few minutes ago when I tried to give it to him he sat down on his little truck and tried rolling away from me.
THIS IS WHY I WANT TO PELT MY RITE AID PHARMACIST WITH ORANGES ! ! ! ! ! ! !