This week on rebuild my clusterfuck house

The theme of the day was SLEDGEHAMMER!

Also I added a subscribe mabob so you can get updates when I post and write about this clusterfuck of a house!

UUMOMMA, no dead bodies yet!

http://watchusmove.blogspot.com/

Insert witty blog here

I owe you guys a good blog. One of those witty 4th of July family recap blogs or whatever. But, you're not going to get it this morning. Nope. Too busy. Also. Too sunburned! Ouch! I went bathing suit shopping before all this and settled on a nice respectable one piece. It was strapless which actually covered my boobs more then a v-neck bathing suit with straps. It also left me with one hell of a fucking awesome tan line. Now when I wear any shirt that doesn't go straight across my boobs you see a little A shaped white area sticking out. It's super sexy! My whole body is burned. I can't understand why I totally put my sunscreen on. As soon as I saw I was pinking up and a little tender to the touch you can bet I remembered my sunscreen then. It seems it was to late or some bullshit like that. My arms, chest, legs and ass are all burned. 1/2 of my knees are burned but they each have a 2" in diameter circle that is BRIGHT WHITE and let me tell you how fucking much that shit boggles me. I've got a bunch of photos to upload but everything hurts right now, like this hot ass lap top on my burned up legs.

On that note. Know what really burns me? When you pour your first cup of coffee in the morning and then have to just sit and stare at it waiting for the motherfucker to cool off, all the while cursing your sleepy eyes and wondering just how fucking long its going to be before you can drink it. Seriously why do coffee pots brew so fucking hot? Why can't they brew a nice room temperature coffee that you can actually drink right away with out adding a burned roof your mouth to your list of burned body parts!

I'll leave you with this, Codi obviously had a great time this weekend!

Mental overload

I've only had access to my new house for two days and already I'm on a mental over load. The honest part is, that since I usually have a small baby strapped to me I'm not doing much physical labor but nonetheless my mind is in a constant state of WHAT THE FUCK! Don't worry I spent my day yesterday cleaning up my own share of puke and poop on my own home front...SEE THAT PEOPLE I CLEANED IT!!!!!!!! Sigh. How on earth people just allow stuff like that to sit int heir home and rot is beyond me. I can't get the smell out of my nose. I'm starting to wonder if I can just shove some soap up there and call it good.


My only comfort and solace has been my SHINY NEW WHOLE FOODS STORE! I've been stocking up on good produce and trying to cook as much as possible to make me feel a little better about this whole situation. You know, in my head it sounds like this, ha, my house is clean and I cook, take that fuckers! Anyway I picked up some fresh heirloom tomatoes this week at Whole Foods and replicated the recipe I tried on opening day only I added in some avocado because I was feeling like I needed some fat!It turned out great and the fresh basil really made me feel clean and happy even if it was only for a second. I posted the recipe here.

Yesterday I spent the day in Tahoe on the beach and today I'm sporting skin in a nice shade of RED! Codi thought the dirt tasted great and nothing I did seemed to deter him from shoveling in fistfuls of sand at lightening speed. At one point I tried rinsing his mouth out and he pitched such a fit I finally gave up and left him sitting in a pile of sand happily cramming it into his milk hole. He still has dirt in his ears! Brandon got mad when we left and spent the rest of the day telling me he "just wanted to go back to the beach mom!" The water was warm and refreshing, I was a little sad at how low it was this year though. Friday morning we are leaving to go back to Tahoe until Sunday so I will be MIA for a few days taking some much needed beach time. I can't wait. I was really looking forward to taking Brandon to my favorite little local ice cream and fry shop while we were there but when I drove by I noticed my favorite place is now some high end hoity toity kind of place to eat and my heart sunk a little, no, A LOT! The place was called Joni's. It was the kind of place that had great burgers, salads and sandwiches, and fresh cut fries served with an extra helping of greasy deliciousness. Ginger and I would always drive to the beach for the day then walk across to Joni's get our fries and some ice cream and then sit happily in the sand enjoying our food. I feel like it is the final official end of an era. Like my time as a young care free beach going girl are gone and replaced with HOITY TOITY restaurants and rush rush rush!

I decided I'm going to take this time to share one of my favorite memories of Tahoe, and probably one of Gingers least favorite. About the time I turned 16 my friends and I all started driving to Tahoe for the day most Saturdays. One Saturday Ginger and I went, and took our friend Megan. We were hanging out on the beach when (forgive me if my memory of this isn't 100% accurate) we were approached by a couple HOT guys to buy some acid on sugar cubes. Megan and I said OKAY like smart intelligent young ladies and coughed up the cash. We popped our cubes and waited, and waited and waited. Finally convinced nothing was going to happen we got up and went for a walk. Upon returning to the beach we came to a 2 foot drop down to the beach. Megan fell off, and I spent 5 minutes terrified of the drop (step down) convinced it was more like 20 feet. I believe Ginger had to end up carrying me down the drop off. The next thing we knew our towels were moving and everything was fucking hilarious. I got the brilliant idea to go buy stickers for my truck and put them on. We had a great day and drove home. However, as Ginger tells I spent the entire drive going 14 miles an hour constantly slowing down because I was convinced I was speeding. At one point she opened the back sliding window and put her head outside because she couldn't handle our giggling anymore. She also tells me there was quite a traffic jam behind me. It seems that since I was convinced I was "speeding" I felt no need to pull over and let cars pass. I guess at some point I also stopped in the middle of the street to retrieve a book I saw laying there that didn't even belong to me. I spent the rest of the night wide awake on the phone with the guy who would become my boyfriend, with him asking me if I was even going to remember that he had just asked me to be his girlfriend the next day (I didn't). To this day Ginger still gets mad at me about that. I laughed every single time I looked at my truck though after that because all of my brand new stickers were totally side ways. It seems that what I thought was straight and what was really straight that day were two opposite things. The best part is Ginger knew they were crooked but she was so sick of my ass she just let me go right ahead and do it!

EVERY SINGLE TIME HE SNEEZES

THIS HAPPENS!

In case you thought it couldn't get worse

Last night I made another visit to the house. It got worse. Go see the photos!
http://watchusmove.blogspot.com/

Dear husband

I would be lying if I said there aren't days I'm jealous you get to just go to work with out getting the kids ready. Today is one of those days. Walking into the bathroom to find your almost 3 year old covered in poop from head to toe along with the toilet, and whole roll of toilet paper, well, it makes me jealous of you. Finding the bathroom rug with a big pile of poop on it is far less fun then going to work at 6am. Realizing that your son tripped and fell while climbing to poop and then tried to wipe the poop off with a bran new roll of toilet paper, his shorts, and the toilet seat, makes me think I might even enjoy going to work at 4am. Having to plunge the toilet and then rush your kid to the shower makes me think, I wouldn't even mind working nights. Then, walking out, to find your youngest has now puked everywhere because he was crying so hard from not being held makes me think working int he 100 degree weather would feel a lot like relaxing on the beach. Plunging the toilet again because all the poop and toilet paper still won't flush, then cramming a shit covered rug into my clean washer, makes me wonder why I never got a job like oh, I dunno, being the Queen. Because I'm positive, the Queen of England never never never had to clean shit out from between her 3 year olds toes!

PS Having to pull the baby out of the car seat just to wipe a second helping of puke off him...makes me still jealous!

Come see my move

We are moving. I explain it better here, come over and look at the horrors we found today when we opened the doors to our new home. Welcome to my own personal hell.

http://watchusmove.blogspot.com/

Things I've learned from Craigslist

I'm searching for some new furniture on Craigslist for my big move coming up. Among the things I've been browsing, a new kitchen table with more then 4 chairs, a king bedroom set with an actual headboard and more then one dresser, and a couch and over sized chair with ottoman. NO I don't want to buy ALL of these things, unless each thing is selling for about $100.00. I'm basically looking and which ever one I find first wins. All of my furniture was bought when I was 13-18 years old needless to say the vast majority of it is pretty old, or just not keeping up with my current style. FYI the theme in my house is "nothing matches" so I'm not even being really particular, I just want something newish, comfy, well taken care of, and something that will actually last a while. I've learned a few things while browsing Craigslist.

1. "Comfy" anything is code for, this item is an old ragged piece of shit that is probably sagging in the middle.

2. "Very nice" means, sure, it was very nice, back in 1976!

3. "Antique means" This was probably made in 1980 but if I write "antique" more people will open my link.

4. "Really new", also found in variations of, "like new", "hardly used", and "only sits in guest room", this means it will be outdated, dusty, and funny looking.

5. "modern" means NO ONE is going to buy this and the rest of the world is going to wonder what the fuck you were thinking when you bought that

6. "Great condition" means they are posting a picture of the couch with out the giant rip in it

7. They only have furniture you are not looking for. Seriously I've found 5980836 queen, twin, full size beds and not one fucking king size furniture set.

8. If you happen to be looking for an armoir big enough to hold your TV, just stop your TV is to big. You over there, yours might fit, but, probably not because that would be to fucking easy and make you too happy!

9. If it looks grey, it's really blue. If it looks brown, thats probably dirt. If it looks green, it's probably mold, and no, those are cute little dots, it's probably mouse shit!

10. If they list it as "must sell" thats because NO ONE WANTS TO BUY IT!

Manners, do they even still exist?

This weekend we (my mom, cousin and I) attended a baby shower. The girls mom threw the shower. When we arrived, the mom was not very nice. No greeting, no offering of drinks or snacks, she pretty much ignored us. I thought back to my shower, where the people hosting the party were friendly offering seats, drinks and anything else you wanted. I think it is safe to say we felt totally unwelcome in this house. The girl who is pregnant is carrying the child of my cousin so it's not as if we were strangers, in fact we were the only other family besides the boys mom to show up.

As time progressed we were told to go eat. Then we were rushed through some poorly planned games and still treated pretty poorly. At this point, when I say we, I mean EVERYONE AT THE SHOWER! At one point, the mother of the girl even called her into the kitchen to lecture her on something or other, and I felt like that was a total mood killer. The worst part though was when my mom sat down and the chair cracked. The girls mom came thundering over picked up the chair and angrily flipped the chair over declaring, "THAT CRACK WASN'T THERE BEFORE YOU SAT IN MY CHAIR"! I stopped and looked over and was just floored. She didn't ask if my mom was okay, she didn't say, I'm sorry I feel so bad, or oh man are you okay that was awful can I help you, no she yelled at my mom. Then she grabbed the chair stormed off and threw it in a hall. Five minutes later we saw her standing on another chair to do something for the party. She weighed at least 200 pounds and was standing on her chair no fucking wonder they cracked.

Later, as her daughter opened gifts and received a ton of diapers, plus tons of notes from family saying they would be supplying diapers any time all she had to do was call, plus a shit ton of stuff from me, not one thank you was given. Her mom never said wow thanks guys this was so thoughtful of you, or gosh she would have never gotten all of this if it wasn't for you.

Now would be a good time for me to say, the pregnant girl is 16. All of these people showed up for her, they bought her stuff, gave her stuff, whatever, and her mom never thanked them, or me. Her friends didn't come, it was mostly her moms friends, her boyfriends sister, and us, with 2 other friends. I would have thought, at the end she would have thanked people for helping her daughter who has nothing, who is totally unprepared and is basically being ignored by her family. The people who showed up, should have been thanked.

There were so many more moments where I just felt so unwelcomed at this poor girls shower. You could tell how uncomfortable she felt too, being in this situation. Even when I won the game there was no, good job, nothing. Instead, they threw a box of gifts at me and said here take a present and then move on.

The lady got upset with Brandon for walking up and down the stairs. He wasn't going in any rooms, or even stepping off the stairs, he was just going up then down up then down, and she got upset about it.

I remember both of my showers. I remember at the end my mom stopping every single person and just thanking them for being there for me, for buying me gifts that would help me out, for taking the time to be there for me and just thanking them for everything. Everyone felt welcome in my house.

In the end, we left feeling so bothered, feeling like our presence wasn't appreciated. I also left wondering what the fuck happened to manners.

Even babies get caught!

The guy at the Mac store asked just what the fuck exactly happened to make my computer look so bad? I mentioned something about kids, he looked at me with a face that said, "kids can't do this", maybe I should email him these...

"Moms in the other room, she can't see me"Look at it, so shiny and white and forbidden

Ooooo let me touch it with all my fingers and toes

OH SHIT here she comes I better hurry up and smash it!