Taking the easy route

I decided to be easy today and post some pictures. However make sure to scroll down to this post and leave me your best joke. The winner gets a spotlight post on my blog. Currently Lindsey and Cristina are the two who made me laugh the most, so those are the ones you have to beat. I have have a dirty mind and can take a joke so let me hear your best one!

Some boys wear their moms shoes

My son tries to use my breast pump.

First you plug it in

Then you attach it to your boo boos

If that doesn't work put it in your mouth and hope to suck NILP back out of your stomach

Smile really big while attempting to make Nilp for Codi

Just for good measure do all of this with your pants on backwards!

Using this time to watch Oprah...I mean clean house

Codi, take a nap k, mama wants a break?

Okay, one boy down 2 to go

Woohoo kid two is sleeping

Success, kid 3 is asleep

You would think I would use this time to do something fun, but really I just cleaned the house while my dad worked on my furnace last weekend. Either way, I had full control of the TV remote while cleaning, I consumed plenty of chocolate with out anyone seeing (it doesn't count if no one sees it right?) and did laundry. Doing laundry may not seem fun, but doing laundry with out a two year old there to unfold all your folded clothes totally kicks ass! It was the best hour ever!!!!!!

Whatever I guess he is comfortable

I have adjusted him 3 times now. Clearly he likes his way of sleeping better

Because I'm married to a second grader

Rob: What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

Me: Uhh they can both deliver you in 30 minutes or less

Rob: No, they can both smell it but aren't allowed to eat it.

Me: Ewww

Rob: He he

Thanks babe, I could not have gone on in life with out you sharing that little gem with me!

Do any of you know any good jokes? If so let me hear em! The winner of the funniest joke will get a spotlight post on my blog!

This day is against me

I should have just called in sick and laid in bed. Oh how many blogs start out that way daily around the world? I got zero sleep last night due to a nursing baby and a snoring husband. I woke up too early and knew the day wasn't right. I had forgotten to make coffee the night before so I had to fumble around and do that. After arguing with Brandon all morning about brushing his teeth I finally had to basically hold him down to do it. I kept reminding myself that if I was a good mom my child wouldn't fight me so much on this kind of thing. I got him dressed and went in search of shoes. I remembered my parents had just brought him a new pair of shoes. He got all excited over the new shoes with the flames when I discovered there were two right feet in the box. So then I had to put them back in the box thus making him cry and run and get more shoes. I was 3 minutes late at this point for work. We were about to leave when Brandon Tarzaned my curtains right off the rod. I was now 5 minutes late. I picked up Codi, turned to leave and launched my yogurt off the car seat and splattering onto my wall and floors. I was now 10 minutes late. I cleaned the mess, realized I had nothing else breakfasty, said fuck it and left.

I arrived at work realizing I forgot my coffee on the counter, my lunch in the fridge and my vitamins and pills in their pill container. So, if you are wondering why I just ate bread, appetizers, salad and desert from Macaroni Grill, there you have it!

Today was one of those days where I feel like a bad parent. Every little thing Brandon did today registered in my brain like Finger nails on a chalk board. By noon it was better but this morning left me feeling like less of a mom. I don't talk about God on here a lot, mostly because I'm still learning, and then some because I don't want this blog to turn into some sappy, mommy, non comical type blog. I would hate for you all to leave me because I put on my serious hat for a day. However. In the last few years I've toyed with praying. I've prayed for friends, for family, for animals, and for my kids. But mostly, I pray that today I can just be a good mom. I find the majority of the time I call on God, it is to ask him, to please, let me be calm and peaceful with Brandon. Let me be the best mom I can be. To just let me be, the mom I know I could be if I didn't have a mental illness weighing me down. I look around to other moms, moms who don't yell, have no need for discipline, whose kids are always the model of perfection and I ask myself where I went wrong.

I can already see Codi is going to be different from Brandon. And rather then feeling joy knowing that this child will be easier, I feel weight on my heart knowing other people will always compare Brandon to the good child. That Brandon will become the burden, or the bad child. The child that everyone says, "Oh you just did a better job with Codi because you learned." But thats not true. I just have two very different children. One who will be quiet and cautious and well behaved and one who just wants to howl at the moon, similar to his mother. I pray every day that I will never be one of those people who compares the two negatively and who always realizes that Brandon isn't a bad child he is just an amazingly free spirited child with energy I wish I could have for only a day.

I keep wondering when I will come out of the hole I've been in for a long time now. This one is lasting longer then they have in ages. I know most of what is causing it. A lot of it is money woes, a lot of it is the snow and dreary weather, a lot of it is the want to ride my bike but having a flat fucking tire, a lot of it is worrying about my kids, a lot of it is worrying that I'll never measure up as a mom. A girl was killed recently in my town. She wasn't doing anything wrong, she was sleeping on a couch and some one came in, got her and killed her. They found her just a few blocks from my house. I am now terrified of ever letting my kids out of my sight. I'm terrified of pre school or regular school. Of letting them go to the movies, of letting Brandon play out back. I'm terrified. Everyday it seems I find a new reason to feel like an asshole for even bringing kids into this world. Like the other day when my mom told me that allowing you to see my kids on my blog and being open about who I am and where I am is opening up for some fucker to come steal my kids and hurt us all. Great, now I feel like mother of the year for potentially opening my kids up for that kind of terror.

I want to get out of this slump. I need the weather to pick up so I can go riding. Last summer when I was riding daily I know I was a lot happier, I could ride away the crazy rather then be burdened with it in my head. It is so hard, people say, just run, go on a treadmill, do anything, but they don't get, something about riding triggers my brain. It's the equivalent to Prozac or Lexipro for me.

Back to praying. Like I said, I really try to pray. I try to ask to be the best I can. But then there are some days when I just can't do it. I wake up feeling silly and trivial for wanting to believe in God. I feel like those around me judge me for trying to believe. Even those who believe look at me like a poser. Like I'm not doing it right, or it's a joke or something. And maybe in the end it will get me no where, but I think that just asking for help makes me feel like a better mom already. I really hope that someday i can figure this all out, and I can be the mom that my kids brag about. I want to be that kind of mom, the kind of mom that other little girls say I want to grow up and be like her some day. I want my kids to have nothing of fond memories of me, and I want them to remember more then just my stellar cooking!

Feeling very powerful...and also kind of sneaky

This weekend my dad finished installing my zoning system. What's a zoning system you ask? That means that for each zone in my house (ie, living room, boys room, master room) there is a separate thermostat. So, what that means is when we are lounging in the living room we can have the heat on in there with out un-necessarily heating our bedroom. Or at night we can make our bedroom toasty with out wasting energy heating the living room. Or we can have our room at 65 but the boys room can be at 70 so they are extra toasty.

The point of all this is that this is extra helpful with Rob and I being polar opposites. Seriously in the summer he'll be burning hot and want the A/C on and I'll be just right and want it off. In the winter he will be perfect and I will be colder then a popcicle in Antarctica. A large portion of our relationship is spent with me sneaking over to the thermostat and turning it up 74 and then him sneaking behind me and turning it off. We can do this for hours and never tire of it. Some times at night I'll wake up and crank up the heater while he is sleeping and he will wake up all confused and sweating.

Back to the point. Today I was sitting in the living room and I was FUUUREEEZING! Rob was in the bedroom. I got up and wanted to turn on the thermostat but I knew Rob would get mad because he would be hot. I sat down and pouted and then I remembered my zoning system. I hopped right up and cranked that sucker to 71. I sat her on my couch all toasty and warm while Rob sat in the igloo bedroom all cool and comfy. I felt so sneaky and powerful having control of my very own thermostat. Seriously, it was how I imagine it would feel if Rob ever let me have the remote control.

Breakfast anyone

To see how I made this amazing fried egg sammich for my husband this morning, head over here. Then run to the store and buy everything to make your own sammich for Sunday morning!

Maybe some duct tape will work

Todays post will be short as I am in a dismal state. I was just getting dressed. I was putting my socks on first of course so I bent over to pick them up when my boobs brushed my knees.

I had to take a moment to pause there, as I realized, aging and gravity are definitely taking a toll on me. Nursing two kids probably isn't going to help either.

I never thought my perky boobs would get to the point where they would dangle down and touch my knees if I bent over.

Excuse me I need to go find some duct tape now.

Whats that on my doorstep?

I came home today to find this on my doorstep?
What is it?

HMMMM WHAT COULD IT BE?

IT'S PACKING PEANUTS!!!!!!!!!!!

SURPRISES MAKE ME DO THIS

IT'S PIZZA!!!!!!! BUT NOT JUST ANY PIZZA!!!

IT'S PIZZA FROM....

NOW I'M REALLY EXCITED (APPARENTLY SO ARE THE VEINS IN MY NECK)

I MEAN REAAAAAAAAL EXCITED

LOOK FRESH OUT OF THE OVEN NEW YORK GARLIC KNOTS

OUCH THATS HOT..I SHOULD LET MY FOOD COOL DOWN

THE PIZZA IS READY THE PIZZA IS READY

OH YEAH BABY, NO FORK AND KNIFE HERE!

MMMMMM IT'S LICK YOUR LIPS GOOD

THIS POST IS COURTESY OF PATTY! WE WERE CHATTING ON VALENTINES DAY AND SOME GOT GOT TO TALKING ABOUT NEW YORK PIZZA. I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH SHE SHOULD APPRECIATE LIVING IN NYC WHERE SHE COULD GET ALL THE NYC PIZZA SHE WANTED. SHE ASKED ME IF IT COULD POSSIBLY BE THAT DIFFERENT AND I WAS ALL UMMM ITS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PILE OF DOG SHIT AND A BAR OF CHOCOLATE. OR MAYBE LIKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AUTHENTIC MEXICAN TACOS, AND TACO BELL. IT'S! NOT! THE! SAME! WE CONTINUED CHATTING AND I WAS LIKE YEAH YOU REALLY SHOULD FEEL LUCKY. HER RESPONSE WAS, WELL I'M SURE NEVADA HAS SOME SPECIALTY FOODS. I WAS LIKE YEAH WE HAVE BUFFETS AND BAD CHINESE. SHE JUST LAUGHED AT ME, BUT I WAS DEAD SERIOUS. HERE IN NEVADA WE HAVE NOTHING AT ALL THAT WE ARE FAMOUS FOR, OR THAT I WOULD MISS IF I LEFT (JEN AND LEE WOULD ARGUE THAT NEVADA HAS PORT OF SUBS, BUT SO DO OTHER STATES, NO OTHER STATE HAS NEW YORK PIZZA.) ALL THE SUDDEN PATTY ASKED FOR MY ADDRESS AND TOLD ME SHE WAS SENDING ME A NEW YORK PIZZA VIA IWANTNYPIZZA.COM. I NEARLY DIED RIGHT THEN AND THERE. THAT WAS THURSDAY. THUS BEGAN COUNTDOWN TO PIZZA DAY!

TODAY WAS THE BIG DAY. I WOKE UP FEELING EXTRA HAPPY. I BUDGETED MY CALORIES SO I COULD INDULGE AND I RUSHED HOME. I GOT HERE AND THERE IT WAS. MY VERY OWN NEW YORK PIZZA. IT WAS GOOD. IT WAS DELICIOUS. IT WAS PROBABLY ACTUALLY ONE OF THE MOST THOUGHTFUL GIFTS I HAVE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE, AND NOW I FEEL SAD BECAUSE NEVADA IS FULL OF CRAP AND I HAVE NOTHING THAT COULD EVEN KIND OF COMPARE THAT I CAN SEND BACK TO PATTY. I'M GOING TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT THOUGH, AND WHEN I DO, IT WILL BE GOOD, BUT IT WILL PALE IN COMPARRISON TO FRICKING NEW YORK PIZZA.

MUST STOP TYPING NOW, POSSIBLY DYING FROM CARB OVERLOAD, MUST ROLL FROM COUCH TO BED. LOVE YOU PATTY THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!

PS. IF YOU WANT TO FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL ABOUT NEW YORK PIZZA, YOU KNOW THAT MOVIE DODGE BALL WHERE BEN STILLER GETS PIZZA, THATS KIND OF HOW I FEEL ABOUT NEW YORK PIZZA.