Bye, I have more important things to do

See that...Know what that means?

It means

I don't have time for blogging, I must go ride my bike now

See you later suckers!

JUST ANOTHER DAY AT WORK

CHECK OUT MY LITTLE FLICKR WIDGET OVER THERE ---------> TO SEE ALL THE FUN THINGS WE DO AT WORK AND HOME!

Current affairs

Okay this post is getting bullets.

• Thing one. Monday we went to visit a friend in a hospital. It was a mental type hospital. I say this so that you can understand how awesome it was when Brandon pulled the fire alarm. Yeah! I was in the back visiting my friend and my mom was up front watching the kids. I'm in my friends room when all the sudden sirens go off and lights start flashing. Suddenly the nurse in charge shouts EVERYONE OUT OF THEIR ROOMS NOW! So we go in the hall where the make us all stand against the wall and they then go and lock everyones room so no one can get back in. We have no clue what is going on, it could be anything. All we know is it is a CODE RED and it could be someone trying to escape, a fire, something else we had no clue. As this is happening my mom is calling me but since phones aren't allowed back there I don't answer. She is frantically calling and calling so finally I turn around and answer and I hear, "Brandon just pulled the fire alarm." FUCK! I tell the nurse, "umm, my two year old just pulled the alarm you have to let me out." So they have to escort me out three locked doors to where I finally get out and see my son screaming FIRE MONSTER FIRE MONSTER I MAKE FIRE I MAKE FIRE! Nice huh!
• Tuesday I had to go to social security to try and get a receipt for Codi with his social security number on it so I could file my taxes. Then I find out that I can't get a receipt because they can't find him. So I go down the the health department to get his birth certificate. This is a big complex. There are about 4-5 buildings that kind of form a circle and there is a giant courtyard in the middle. So I get to the one with the health department in it and realize I have to find an ATM for cash since I used my last check and they don't take debit. I'm in building C and the ATM is down around E. So I set off walking. I get to the ATM and realize I am now right next to building A which is where you change your voter registration. I never changed my address and I figured since I was there I should. I went in and changed my address and while doing so Codi had a melt down. So I readjusted Codi and set off on my way to the health department. I got in, go the birth certificate and made it back to my car which was by building D. SHIT! I had no keys. I had set them down over in building A when Codi was fussing. So off I went back to building A for my keys. I finally made it to my car and head to social security. Okay so this was Tuesday which is the 5th. I guess that social security checks are mailed on the 3rd so you are never supposed to go down there around this time. I did not know this till after I get there. So I go in there is a full waiting room and I take a number. I'm number 158 they are currently serving number 78. I go stand outside to escape the cigarette dirty body smell. Out front I find myself surrounded by Reno's finest. I love standing outside with a bunch of people who are angry about their social security checks that they aren't getting, and the only reason they are on social security is because they are lazy. But not only that I had to listen to them talk about how awesome they are/were. Like the guy who weighed close to 300 pounds or more but was bragging about his high school football days and how he was so good Notre Dame wanted to give him a full ride but he chose not to because he is really intelligent like that. Then there was the guy who just really needed some McDonalds and then sat down their talking about how he ain't waiting in no dang line he was gonna go right in there and tell them where to shove it. Three hours later he was still out there bitching about his babies mama and how he maybe really isn't the dad but could be. Then there was the couple who looked like they should really be nominated for the Biggest Loser couples edition who were so hungry they decided to walk to McDonalds while waiting for their number. Part of me was proud of them for walking but then I thought, "But they are walking to McDonalds for burgers hmmmm." Then there were the pregnant moms smoking. The young broke couples there who just wanted their checks cuz they were broke yet they were covered in expensive tattoos and piercings and could still afford a couple packs of cigarettes. It always flabergasts me how you can be broke but afford a tattoo! Anyway halfway through I called the hospital and was informed that Social Security wouldn't be able to find Codi because the vital statistics office was 3 months behind in sending them the info. In fact they had just mailed them the October births. OOOOH Okay thanks for letting me know that assholes. When my number is finally called they inform me that if I process this now it will delay the whole thing another 10 weeks since the two will cross in the mail. In the end they said wait two weeks then start calling social security every day to see if Codi has been input then I can go get my receipt with his number. So to recap I spent 4 hours with the worlds most awesome rejects to accomplish nothing, while starving and watching a bunch of broke people eat expensive fast food!
• Babba apparantly got spammed also. Here is her questions.. What is more important to you. The relationship you have with Rob or your kids??? This is hard. I think they both have priorities in different aspects. But to be honest I think since my kids are so young, the answer would be them. Later on in life, when they are older and all they want to do is rebel, well thats when Rob and I can be each others priority. But now, in the moment, raising two functioning kids is the clear winner. Most husbands often go through a period where they feel neglected or forgotten. Its in most parenting books, and most parenting classes say the same. It is impossible for a new mom to give the same attention to their husbands. My husband will be the first to say that yes he felt neglected when both boys were born, but it gets better. It does! What takes priority and comes first in your life??? Umm I think this is sort of the same question so I will reiterate my first answer. For me, raising two kids who are smart, and social, and have great lives is more important then having sex every night and going to bars with my husband or going to clubs. Rob and I still have sex, and we still go out for dinners but right now the majority of my life is spent for my kids. Rob and I will have time in our golden years for each other. So right now its about stealing kisses when we can and cuddles at night and holding hands on the couch. You figure it all out eventually, but putting my kids first was a decision I made the second my first was born!
• For Lent Rob decided that he would allow me to make him a vegetable every day for 40 days. This is huge because Robs only veggies are, potatoes, corn and iceberg lettuce. I have worked asparagus into his life but that is it. This is huge for me. I love cooking stuff and took sheer pleasure out of watching him eat roasted chicken with spinach last night. For Lent I gave up all drinks that weren't clear plain water, Hot green tea and coffee. I am miserable. I need flavored water. I need iced tea. I need carbonation. This is like kicking a crack habit for me. So as I took total joy in watching Rob force down his spinach he was getting as much joy watching me choke down my plain water!
  

1000 and a half

K so! My email hates me. It keeps spamming things. So! If you have emailed me and I don't reply within an hour (yeah I'm fast like that) send me a comment and I will be all over that.

I just found this in my Spam box.
Emery asked:
1. What is your biggest triumph? Wow! I don't know if I have had that yet. I think ask me in 30 years. That way I can see how my kids turn out. Because I truly believe that if I can raise well adjusted kids who live happy and healthy lives then that will be my biggest triumph. I feel like my whole life mission is simply to be a mom so if I complete that mission then I will have triumphed!
2. What is your biggest regret? Regret. To be honest I'm not sure there is much I regret. While there are things I wish I hadn't done I am one of those super dorky people who truly believe that everything begats everything. Meaning if I hadn't lost my virginity to that guy then some how in the long run I never would have married Rob which means I wouldn't have my two amazing children. Yes there are things I wish I hadn't done, (hello orange hair in 8th grade I'm talking to you) but what if I really went back and never did them, would I be sitting here in this moment now? What is that movie, the "Butterfly Effect"? I totally believe in that.

P.S. Emery, I was actually really sad I hadn't gotten a question from you and then when I saw yours in my spam folder I was soooooo happy!

1000

Okay first, no new look. That is still being worked on. But it will rock when it's done. However you still get my 1000th post! Here you go! I loved answering all of your questions. I hope you enjoy reading them!

1. Someone Being Me asked: Is there anything that is off limits on your blog? A topic that you will not discuss? You seem so open about everything I was just curious if you draw the line at some things. I think the only thing that is actually off limits is things directly mentioning families name. In fact there is an entire category of family I just won't talk about. Simply because I never know who reads, and in case they do read, well, it keeps me out of trouble that way. I also don't talk much about sex since my parents sometimes read this and I have a hard time writing it knowing my mom or dad could possibly be reading later about that thing we did in bed last night.
2. Mathers asked: If you had to pick one what would it be: no more chocolate, or no more myspace? Now now now Cristina my dear. I actually don't do much on Myspace. I go on there once a day to see if anyone is writing me. Then I'm basically done with it. There are a few people who refuse to get normal email so I have to contact them that way. Now if you had said give up chocolate or blogging..that would be a tuffy because blogging is such an amazing outlet for my stressers but chocolate is such a great remedy for those same stressers!
3. Blogversary asked: What is your dream job? You know, for a while I always thought I would answer being a chef. But I always watch those chefy TV shows and realize there is so much I don't know. While I would love to be Paula Dean I know I don't have the knowledge. So. I think the best way to answer this is to say, at this point in my life, my dream job would be to be a culinary student and later in life be a chef. HOWEVER! I would only want to go to a real culinary school somewhere like France you know, and since I have kids that isn't an option. And if you ask me if I would have waited to have my kids till after school the answer is NO! That's because I'm smart enough to know, had I gotten to the point where I completed school and was well known, chances are I would have not had children, similar to Rachael Ray. So I would rather be a wanna be chef and mom, then a well known chef and not a mom. Umm did any of this make sense?
4. Jen asked: Do you have a favorite child? Ahhh Jen, you are pure evil. I see you rubbing your hands together with an evil look on your face right now as you ask this! The answer is easy. Brandon is my favorite toddler and Codi is my favorite baby! Ha ha that's an answer right? To be honest right now I love them both the same. I don't think I can really compare the two because I know Brandon in such detail and I'm only still getting to know Codi. Sometimes I have to remember that Codi is so much younger and he is a different baby. I've actually tried to forget when Brandon hit all of his milestones, because he was really advanced. I don't want to spend Codi's whole life comparing him to Brandon so I really try and just look at them both separately. However, you can love the second as much as the first and I love them both so much it makes my whole body hurt!
5. Hips.Lips.Mama asked: Do you fake orgasms with your husband? how often? Now just to prove to ya'll that I am human, I am totally blushing right now! The answer is NO! I don't. Not with my husband, but yes I have before. But lets be real here, if we were having that kind of problems in bed before we got married, I clearly wouldn't have married him now would I?
6. Heather asked: What do you think you were most notorious for in high school..one moment everyone will remember? Now since Heather went to school with me I actually think this a totally loaded question because there is no way you could go to school with me and not answer this!!! But for those of you who didn't go to school with me there is only one obvious answer. I was the girl that everyone thought had sex on the "G". Okay now to elaborate for those of you who don't get that. Here in Nevada we do this hicktastick little thing of painting GIANT letters of mountains for the part of town we are in (this sounds so corny if you don't live here) for example, if you drive by Reno there will be a huge huge "R" on one of the mountains. I believe we have a P for Peavine and D for Damonte and of course a G for Galena, as in Galena High School. Anyway one day before cheer leading practice a friend of mine who I will allow to remain nameless and I walked back to the teachers parking lot to hang out. He wanted to smoke before football and I had a crush on him so I was just tagging along. Well hanging out let do making out and totally fooling around right behind the teachers parking lot.  Even if we had had the time, or the desire, we couldn't have done more if we wanted. Anyway I went to cheer practice and a friend asked where I was. I had said that I was making out with the guy and as a joke said yeah we were totally fucking on the G. The head cheerleader of the Varsity team (I was a freshman at this time) heard this, and told the coach. The coach then told the principal who told my mom whose first question to me was, "did you come?" Now, a few points of interest. My senior year in PE I got a chance to walk to the "G". It took a full hour to walk there and in fact, for those who didn't run half of it, you couldn't even make it in the hour. The track team claims to have pictures of the event taking place. Interesting since, A: the track team didn't run there and B: Track practice wouldn't have been started yet as it was only 15 minutes after school got out and C: What kind of athlete carries a camera while running up a mountain? Anyway some of you might ask why I didn't just deny it since it wasn't true. Well there is an easy answer to this. I talked to the guy before I was called into the principals office. He thought the whole thing was so funny that ridiculous that no one would actually believe it. We decided to never confirm or deny what happened. When I was called into the principals office they never, not one single time asked me if it happened. Instead they took the word of the head cheer leader and just went with it. It is because of this one moment in school that I lost all faith in the school system, because a good coach or principal would have asked me What, if anything happened don't you think? Anyway while the whole thing never happened, and we were only actually gone for 15 minutes, He and I both go down in history as the couple who had sex on the "G". To this day people still ask me and him about it. He and I often run into each other in public and when we do people always look at as and you can tell they are just dying to ask. My favorite part is that people from other schools heard that "someone" did that and I love when they ask me, if I knew the girl who had sex on the "G"! I thin I'm going to email him right now and have a laugh with him about all of this.
7. Amnesia asked: What is the hardest time you have had in your marriage? What got you there? What was your darkest hour? And what got you out of it? Wow! This is a great question. While my marriage isn't perfect, because none are, I don't honestly know if we have had anything that fills this category yet. It's only been 3 years and I think the itch comes around 7 right? There are plenty of things we do to get on each others nerves, and damn we push each other buttons but I'm not real sure there have been those awful times. Wait, I take that back. There was one time during both pregnancies where I got really evil and demonic and tried to throw him out, for reasons like, he didn't come to bed at the right time. You know, very important stuff. I think mainly our biggest problems now are, me wondering how on earth he gets toothpaste splatters on the mirror so damn soon after I clean it, and him wondering how on earth I get so many crumbs on the floor!
8. Heidi asked: What do you do when you want to wear flip flops? Do you not wear pants that day? This was her question asked in response to me having to put my socks on before my pants. The answer is NO DORK I don't put my flip flops on before my pants. However, I looove flip flops and I loathe shoes which is why this snow is agitating the fuck out of me. When I do wear shoes I prefer Vans with no laces!
9. Laura asked: Tell us your worst OMG Aunt Flo is here and I'm unprepared moment. You know you have one. I soooo have one! It was my first one. I think I was about 12ish. My mom and my cousin and I drove down to Sacramento for the weekend. We stayed at the Holiday Inn on Date Ave (I still stay there). Anyway we were in the hotel room and I was wearing this swirly pastel spandex (yes spandex) pants. My mom suddenly looks down at me and is like OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT! I looked down and my pastel pants were RED!!!!! All the sudden everyone starts jumping around the room shouting OH MY GOSH YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD. So I flip out and now that I see the blood I feel cramps. I jump out of the pants and undies and my mom throws them in the toilet (????) Then since we were totally unprepared she tells me to sit on the toilet. So I'm sitting on the toilet and my mom calls room service and somehow convinces one of the employees to go to the gift shop and buy me a bag of pads. I spent the rest of the trip in pain and the whole car ride laying in the back whining. Sooo embarrassing that I didn't even know it had happened I just sat there bleeding on myself!
10. Jessa asked: What book could you read again and again without getting sick of it? To be totally honest I have yet to find THE BOOK! When I was younger I would have said this book. In fact I still love this book and have read it bajillions of times. For now, I would say old issues of Everyday with Rachael Ray would be my favorites to reread. I'm such a nerd!
11. imoveforward asked: How long have you been writing? Do you write other things besides your blog? Hmmm. I've been writing forever. Since I can remember. I started out just writing in journals. Writing a lot of poetry and seriously ya'll if I can locate some of those books I'm shameless enough that I will totally post some of my trash for you. When I moved out I started a computer journal and then about 2.5 years ago I started blogging on Yahoo 360. I stumbled upon Emerys blog on Blogger and loved it so much I moved. I also blog here and here! I also have a blog that I write to each of my sons (which I really need to update). Those links are on my current blog called Letters to (insert childs name here). And finally I have a private blog about Rob and I's love story. It is private because it talks a lot about sex and boys and what not and I got all nervous that my parents would read it and my dad would be like SHE WAS DOING WHAT WITH WHO!
12. Shawna asked ( a lot):
    
    -Do you remember when you realized you were different? There has never been a time I didn't know I was crazy!
    -Different/Crazy in what way? I always just knew that I got sad and withdrawn more, and that not everyone was as open as me.
    -Have you ever diagnosed yourself? YES! I have mild OCD, and I'm bi-polar. I've been A LOT of other things over the years, seriously taking a bunch of psych classes in college totally fucks with your head.
    -Have you ever been professionally diagnosed? Yes with bi-polar disorder.
    -Have you ever seeked professional help? Yeah twice. The first time when I was younger and the second time when I first started dating Rob. Neither time helped. It didn't help because being bi-polar, I come out of my hole. That means seeing a counselor was useless during those times of good, and during the times of bad, I wouldn't go because I didn't want help, I wanted to be destructive. Also they all felt condescending and judgmental and rude and like they were bored and only there for the money.
    -I know you currently don’t but have you ever taken prescription meds? Did they help? Not help? (I totally understand not wanting to take meds) Yeah the only one I agreed to try was Sarafem which is for PMDD. They said if I took it, it would help with the bi-polar disorder. I thought it was retarded and took a few classes in college and learned that I was in control of my own destiny.
    -How do your loved ones handle your “craziness”? (i.e. Rob , mom, dad (step dad), friends) Ummm, first my "dad" (sperm doner) is who gave me this shit but he wasn't around long enough to know. The rest of my family didn't really know because I hid it. I didn't want to be the weird one or the bad one or whatever. Now, they kinda just let me be who I be!
    -Do you know the people/person that gave you the date rape drug? The time that you are talking about he was the son of the head of a church camp I went to. Another time my cousin and I got dosed by some football players but by the grace of God got out of there and I only ended up running over her mail box (twice) before passing out in my car on the side of McCarran!
    -Do you feel in control of your “craziness”? Until I go crazy!
    -Do you realize when you are being crazy at the time you are being it? Or is it in retrospect? Or after someone has brought it to your attention? I totally realize it. I realize it mostly because I almost encourage it. Like I get sad and go away in my head and then I will do stupid shit like pull out pictures and letters from my dead grandma to see just how sad I can get. Or like the time I wisely went to the Coronor and got a copy of my dads death certificate?????? Yes I am very very aware of when I am there, it is because of that I am also able to hide it so well.
    -Do you think you are crazy by circumstance or genetics? (like a chemical imbalance) I remember reading about your dad and grandma and realize at an early age you lost some very important people in your life, after reading what you wrote yesterday I realize you have other devastating circumstances that occurred in your life, do you think these things attributed to the crazies, or caused it? I think it is both. It is safe to say a good portion of my dads side of the family is batshit crazy and a pretty good portion of my moms side also has some interesting quirks. However, I think my dad being a selfish prick and killing himself really opened the flood gates of crazy especially because not many 12 year olds know how to comprehend suicide and it took a lot of crazy to realize how I really felt about that. But to be totally honest I think I've always been crazy and I think I'll always be crazy!!
13. Mrs. F and Angie both want to know: When you say you disappear into a dark place...what does that feel like? Is it like a place you remember going (not a real place but you know) or is it just like a black out kind of? Sigh. I really don't know how to describe this. You know that commercial with the guy walking around with a rain cloud over his head that follows him? It's kind of like that. It's like suddenly everywhere I or step or look feels miserable. I hate how I look (this is when I pick my face the most), I hate how I feel and since I often go there for no reason I start looking for reasons. I'm still here, I don't envision dark scary places or anything, it just feels as though there is a shadow over my day and sometimes the shadow closes in on me and sort of swaddles me in its darkness until I feel like I can barely breath anymore and I just want to sit in a corner and cry. My husband has found me there before, sitting in a corner by my bed crying for no reason. However I found a reason. See, I was going there, I was headed to the rain cloud and I needed a reason (I like to have reasons it makes me feel less crazy) so I picked a fight with him. The fight made me snap and the next thing I knew I was just crying. This leads to me suddenly crying about being fat, ugly, poor, stupid, a bad mom, missing my grandma and on and on and on and on. I think I find every reason possible to cry until I've used it all up and then I just sit there numb. I kind of turn on auto pilot. I drive myself to work, I work and I come home. But the whole time it feels like I need an inhaler because the pressure of the world crushes my whole entire body. There are songs that send me there instantly and places and faces and books and things I've written. I used to spend hours and hours and hours in my bedroom with my Christmas lights on and a Tupac song on repeat just writing poem after poem after poem trying to work my way out of my hole. The only thing is that I self destruct as I do it. I pick music that makes it impossible to be happy. I write things that make light seem so far off. I dredge up old memories making it easier to slip into my hole and make it feel like maybe I really do belong there.
14. Shawna also asked:
    
    What is your favorite post you have ever written out of the 1,000? I don't have favorites. I like them all. Although the recent post about eating shit in the snow was a good one!
    Which post has received the most comments? 31 comments the day Codi was born. You all suck at commenting I happen to know I have over 100 people visit here each day and I get a lousy 31 comments. SHAME ON YOU!
    Is there a post you wish you would have never written? No, I don't think so, because if I hadn't have written em all I would have probably exploded with diarrhea of the mouth onto my friends and then they would egg my car!
15. Saly wants to know: How I got so into cooking? NO CLUE! It is in my blood I think. Also, I like to eat food taste good, it makes me happy and I think I have an urge to make those I love happy (like my husband) so I really enjoy cooking knowing what I make will make you smile. I truly believe that if you cook food with love in your heart, and you put passion into it, it will taste amazing. The nights I'm tired and in a hurry and I don't stop to love my food, those are the nights I warn Rob ahead that it's totally okay if he wants to dump the meal and go to KFC!

She also wanted to know: Your posts suggest that you have zero boundaries. I want to know if you are the same in your every day life, and if so, how did you get to be the way that you are (which clearly, is awesome).

I decided rather then answer this on my own I would ask the three friends who have known me the longest and know me the best. Because after all, I could answer this and totally lie since it's my own blog, you would never know right. So instead I wanted to make sure you got the truth from those who know my truth! Here are their answers!

Lisa said: Yup basically the exact same! Only difference is you have to imagine the stuff you blog about is only a couple minutes out of your day. So the bluntness, and dorkiness is EXTREMELY magnified when you have 24/7 Shannon. You have ALWAYS had no problem telling a complete stranger all of your business down to every detail. So you having a blog just makes sense. It kind of also gives us a break from the stupid, I mean unusual, thoughts that happen to run thru your head. Instead of getting a phone call every time your sons poop changes colors, now I only get half the calls and get to read about the other half online.

Katie said: Mmmm, lets see is Shannon the same in real-life? I would have to say yes – definitely! Shannon has always been pretty open with her life and she is a talker, so her blog gives her the opportunity to meet and talk to a whole other community of friends.
Ginger said:

Ha, I love that someone would even ask that. I mean really, would you share with complete strangers that you hate it when your so cold that your pee burns you if you wouldn't share that with your dearest friends. If you could even consider that i would be sincerely hurt. Ok, I am going to type the rest of this like I am talking about you behind your back to your blog readers...

Shannon and Rob are exactly like that she describes, totally in love but get in 'fights' about the stupidest stuff...not that I would really consider half of their 'fights' really fights...and it still baffles me when they send each other text messages from across the living room (probably talking about their guests so they can talk about them behind their backs, right in front of their faces!).

And really, I'm not kidding about Shannon calling you up or sending you a text message to tell her that she is so cold her pee just burned her...that is if she isn't calling you for help to lift her off the floor and drag her to the bathroom because she is laughing so hard at something she migth pee her pants if she tried to stand up on her own...but that only happened once. Or twice. Or, well, maybe a few more times.

Her adversion to hugs and touchy touchyness is completely true. A while back, when she was pregnant with Codi, me and (I think) her cousin were going out (maybe for Rob's b-day) and she had him take a picture off all of us with our hands on her belly. I was so uncomfortable that i think I may have levitated my hand over her belly without really touching it because that's just not how Shannon is, she is so not a "let's hug and here, rub my pregnant belly" kind of person. But she makes up for her lack of touchy touchyness by doing silly things like buying you an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins that consists of exactly 1 scoop of ice cream and about 10 lbs of icing all because you mention on your blog that you want an ice cream cake, but that you only want to eat the frosting off of it.

And her passionate obsession with good food really is something to marvel at. I've known Shannon for a long time. As she started talking about recently, she had some issues with food in the past. And let's not even go into her mom's severe adversion to using salt on ANYTHING (so weird, I just don't get it, I mean I don't by any means over use salt but salt really does make food taste better). Shannon and i went through a period of a few years were we didn't really see each other (I tried to break up with her) and when we finally got back together she suddenly was this foodie. This Wusthof obsessed foodie. I absolutely love this about her now because I am a total foodie as well (or want-to-be-foodie anyways). And, while I've never seen her have an orgasm (thank god, that would be akward), the only way to describe her reaction to a great dessert or, well, a good bowl of ice cream, is like a mini-food orgasm (or foodgasm). On that note, she really does say words in real life like dudealicious and her use of the word uber is really spectacular (if you could call it that).

And she really does have her dark side, and her messy past, but you guys probably all know that from reading her blog.

And finally, yes, her kids REALLY are as cute as they seem and she really is as great of a mom as she seems. And her obsession with finding the perfect diaper bag really was a little over the top. And she really does elict slave labor from her friends to paint her newborns room. And she really does brag about anything she possibly can because, as she states it "It hurts being this awesome."

Ok, so that was so much longer than I thought it would be but if you are posting it on your blog it's got to be good, right?

I decided to ask my husband too and here is what he said:
i think that shannon is the same as in her blog as in
her life to a point. she does cuss the same
amount...lol. shes fun and crazy, but she is also much
more reserve. i think that when she writes, shes the
crazy shannon that she will always be. but because
shes a mother of 2 she cant be. she has her moments tho..lol

#999

I'm pooped from answering all your questions. So tomorrow remind me to tell you how I spent today with the highest quality of people down at the social security department and the health department. And then go ahead and ask me just why it is my son won't stop saying he wants to see the fire monster again. Go ahead, ask, I dare you!

#998

Yes ya'll thats what number post I'm actually on. Sorry some of you thought #1000 was coming like ten days ago. But I knew I had to announce it early to give all of you LAGGERS time to submit questions. I've only got about 10 so far, and a couple of em are doozies (you know who you are). One of them is such a doozie in fact that I really can't wait to answer it minus the whole, my dad reads this site thing, but alas I will answer it. Anyway I am aiming to post 1000 on Wednesday because that is what day Lee promises me my new site will be launched (Lee I'm giving you a stern IT BETTER BE READY LOOK!). So that means from now until Wednesday you will only get one more post before 1000 so as to stay on track.

Anyway on to last night. I went to bed after Superbowl with my belly full of about 2 pounds of spinach dip and about 4 pounds of cookies. Around 3am I had a dream. I dreamt that Rob and I were in his home town with the kids. We got in some kind of fight and he left with some other girl. He ended up leaving an outgoing message on his voicemail that said something along the lines of, "today is the saddest day ever, I have decided to leave my wife and be with "girl" and I'm sorry." I was devastated and calling his mom and everyone trying to find him. I was driving everywhere with our kids in the back and I was just bawling. It was really so sad. I finally woke myself up out of the dream and reached over for him. HE WASN'T THERE. I sat up in a panic thinking maybe he really had left and divorced me. I was seriously on the verge of tears but then I remembered hat just a few minutes before that he had gotten up to settle Brandon when he woke up. Seconds later Rob was back in bed and everything was fine. I hate when that happens. I don't understand how dreams can be so vivid you wake up feeling as though they really happened. There have been so many times where I dreamed Rob was cheating and I woke up wanting to beat the shit out of him.

Last night I had my annual Superbowl party. It went great. There was so much food and I think I ate enough food to feel 9 months pregnant again. Superbowl is my Thanksgiving. It's the one day a year where I just lose all control and eat as much fat as I can cram on one slice of bread. We won't even talk about how many cookies I ate! A couple other kids came over and one of them was a boy. I think Brandon had the best day of his life running around and playing. It was so nice for him to have a boy over who he could actually act like a boy with. You know do all that boy stuff like smash each other in the face with toys, trip each other, wrestle and so on. Seriously the two were in heaven. But then I got a glimpse into my future. See the second boy was a little younger then Brandon, that means he is easily coerced. So I walk into Brandons room after it's been quiet to long and I see Brandon up on top of his dresser grabbing books of the shelf (he is not supposed to do this) and then quickly passing the books down the Jake the other boy below. They had a system worked out. All the sudden I knew what I was in for. I could just see Brandon climbing to the tippy top of my pantry and passing the marshmallows one by one down to Codi and then both boys running away. As much fun as Brandon had yesterday, well I have to say it made me tired just thinking of the future. And from the looks of Codi's belly, this kid is going to have no problem partaking in cookie stealing adventures!

1ST DOWN!!!

I! DON'T! LIKE! LIMES! MOM!

OOPS!

Let me see the Tootsie Roll aka losing whatever Rad factor I had left

While guest posting over at That Kind of Girl, I got to thinking about some music I really miss. You know, back in my parents day they had a lot of good music. Meaning a lot of their music is stuff we still listen to. For instance, Guns N Roses, Tom Petty, Aerosmith, The Stones and so on. My grandparents music however, not so much. I kind of get the feeling my era of music is going to fall in the realm of not so much. While I can't imagine anything by Tupac not still being totally dudealicious (one of my favorite words shut up along with badical and babeolicious) when I'm 40 I can see how my kids could think I was out of my damn mind for ever liking rap. But seriously, how could Tupac ever not be the greatest? It got me thinking of songs that I will dearly miss rocking out to. Songs that make me want to go grab my CDS and bust out in some sexy dancing poses.

Dancing Queen

Back that ass up

Reserved for Biggie songs
Biggie Biggie Biggie can't you see, sometimes your words just hypnotize me

I will really miss
the Tootsie Roll
Anything Tupac
Most Biggie Stuff
The Flaming Lips (she uses vasaleeeene)
New Kids on th Block (Step One one one)
MC Hammer (I was 2 legit 2 quit) ((I know the hand gestures for that song))
Candlebox
Debbie Gibson (not Deborah)
Tiffany (runnin just as fast as we can now)
Bush
Blink 182
Smashing Pumpkins
The Cranberries (salami salami, oops I mean zombie zombie)
Fuel
Lit

But no matter how cool all my music was, one thing is going to ruin it all for the hopes of my generation ever being cool again.

The Macaraina (shudder)

If I had a tri pod I think I would actually put on these CDs (yes I own all of those) and film myself doing my awesome dances for you all to see. Instead you have to settle on my fantastic pics up there. Raise the roof raise the roof.

In other news I think I forgot to post this conversation that took place between me and my husband the other day. (Might not be verbatim I lost the IM but it will be very close).

Rob: You are such a dork
Me: No I'm totally hip
Rob: Saying hip really ruins that
Me: You mean I just negated my own hipness
Rob: Yes but I love you even if you are a dork.

Come on ya'll am I really that unhip? I have to say this entire post isn't making a strong case for maintaining my rad factor.

Also I've gotten a few questions, some pretty normal, some funny and a couple pretty brave interesting ones for my 1000th. I must say I really expected more prying and juicy, funny, gag inducing questions from my readers. I mean, you all read me which means you must have some kind of gutter mind in there, I expect you guys to summon all that gutter mind when asking questions.

Read this whole thing with a snobby British accent

Hi. You know that scene in A Christmas Story when Ralphy is turning in his paper and he starts visioning the teachers reaction. She is so happy and jumping around declaring it the best thing ever? That is basically how a lot of what goes on in my head is. You see I'll be sitting at my desk or in bed or changing a diaper or sitting on the think tank when suddenly an idea for a post will come to me. It will be hilarious. I'll giggle to my self and say in my snobby British accent ah ha ha ha that is mauuuuvaless. I'll write half of it in my head, pausing at the parts I know you will all laugh at. I'll giggle and wonder to myself why in the hell I'm not famous for this blog shit yet. I'll anticipate the enormous amount of comments I am going to get. Then I'll wipe, flush and walk away and poof. ITS GONE. It's at this time that you get blogs like this. Total and utter trash. It's like I'mt sitting here wondering how in the fuck you guys even read me when I'm typing about fucking wiping?

Tonight after dinner the husband and I were unloading the dishwasher together. I put one of the plates away and a tiny chip went flying. I picked it up off the floor and apparently threw it in the sink. Why? I dunno, your guess is as good as mine. Thats not the funny part though. The funny part is just seconds later, SECONDS PEOPLE my husband said, "babe did you just throw that on the floor?" I was like NO! He's like "where did you put it?" I was like in the trash duh. He looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind and said, "the trash huh, you put it in the trash?" I thought about it, looked on the floor to be sure and then said yup! He just stared at me. I didn't get it. Then I turned looked in the sink and said, "hmm guess I threw it in the sink." More staring. Then he was "like seriously you thought you threw it in the trash?" I was like yeah guess I forgot? Ya'll I thought he was going to pass out from sheer confusion right then and there. Yeah, in a matter of about 4 seconds I actually forgot that I threw the plate chip in the sink. In fact, I think I actually didn't forget I just plain didn't know I did it. 20 minutes later he was still shaking his head at me, totally stunned. I guess I've confirmed what he already knew, his wife has totally lost her damn marbles.

You know, I think 10 years from now when I'm nice and thin I will be able to thank my kids. Know why? Because right now I don't have anything naughty to eat in my house. And if it wasn't for the fact that I really don't want to wake up, dress and load up two kids, put them in the car, get them out of the car, drag them in the store and then back home you can bet my ass would be out the door so fast to go and grab a jar of hot fudge sauce and a jumbo spoon. If I didn't have kids the oly thing that would slow me down would be waiting for the microwave to ding letting me know my fudge was now warm. This also mean that when my kids are older I'll be able to ask them if they know how many fudge dunked spoons I gave up for their well being and precious sleep.

I'm watching a commercial for some new show where kids and their dads compete in Fear Factor like competitions. Let me just say if that was kids and moms, me and my kids would be broke fools! Pick up a scorpion for a million bucks, no thanks I'm sure we will all be able to live comfortably in a nice cardboard box. Shove my hands in a bucket of spiders? Ehh I don't mind eating Spam for eternity. How about you, would you be able to win Fear Factor? Would you eat 5 pounds of horse intestine for a million? Actually what would you do for a million dollars?

Did you know I have to put my socks on before my pants? This poses quite the problem when I wake up warm and decide to forgo socks then later decide I want them. I am faced with a choice. Do I actually take my pants off, put socks on and then put pants back on? Or do I just put the damn socks on and spend hours feeling annoyed that I didn't do it right? Usually I just change my whole outfit so then I feel justified putting the damn socks on.

Okay well I have to pee. That means I'll be thinking in my snotty British accent. Last chance for questions. Next post is 1000. Remember you can ask me anything. You can ask about my first kiss, my favorite this or that, things I did in school. Go ahead ask me anything. I dare you to make me laugh or blush!

Lunch Break Treats

I'm sitting here on my lunch break at work eating some boring beans and browsing online for some new books to buy. I finally settled on these. I'm in desperate need of some new things to read, seems like I got stuck in a rut there. So here is what I'm going to pick up today after work.

Oprah Book Club® Selection, May 2000: In her still startling debut, The Good Mother, Sue Miller explored the premium we put on passion--and the terrible burden it places on a mother and child. Her fourth novel, While I Was Gone, is another study in familial crime and punishment. But this time, her wife and good mother is accessory to more than emotional malfeasance. Jo Becker has everything a woman could desire: a loving spouse, contented children, and a nice dog or two. When her New England veterinary practice takes on a new client, however, her past comes back to haunt her. Long ago, it seems, Jo had escaped her family and identity for a commune in Cambridge. Her Aquarian illusions came to an abrupt, bloody end when one of her housemates was brutally murdered. Now this unhappy era returns in the person of Eli Mayhew, who had been the odd man out in Jo's boho household. His appearance is both tantalizing and upsetting: "Inside, I slowed down. I felt numbed. I had two last patients, and then I told Beattie to go home, that I'd close up.... I refiled the last charts, sprayed and wiped the examining table. I reviewed my list of routine surgeries for Wednesday. All the while I was thinking of Eli Mayhew, and of Dana and Larry and Duncan and me, and our lives in the house. Of the horrible way it had all ended."

Relationships are brought to the limit in Delinsky's splendid latest exploration of family dynamics. On a rainy night, Deborah Monroe and her teenage daughter, Grace, are driving home when their car hits a man. The victim, who turns out to be Grace's history teacher, is unconscious but alive. Although Grace was driving, Deborah sends her home and takes responsibility for the accident when the cops show up. Deborah is juggling a lot: as a family doctor, she is in private practice with her über-demanding widower father, who is trying to hide a drinking problem; her son, Dylan, is vision impaired; her mother's death continues to affect the family; Deborah is still dealing with her ex-husband's new, separate life; and her unmarried sister, Jill, has just announced she's pregnant. Grace's guilt about not taking responsibility for the accident makes her withdraw from friends and family, and the accident victim turns out to have a more complex private life than anyone imagined. The author seamlessly resolves relationship issues without sentiment, throws in a promising romance for Deborah and offers a redemptive scene between Grace and her grandfather.

Sex, lies, crushed dreams and slot machines are paramount in McGinniss's flashy, fast-moving debut. Chase is a struggling artist who couldn't hack NYU and moves back to Vegas, where he is reunited with his adolescent flame, Michele. After being fired from his teaching job for beating up a student, Chase plans to hook up with his girlfriend, Julia, in California, but instead spends his summer as a chauffeur for Michele's call-girl business. Michele has plans for herself (buying a house, getting an advanced degree in women's studies), but for the time being is running the call-girl service out of a suite in the Versailles Palace Hotel and Casino with her boyfriend, Bailey. Girls too young for the job, readily available cocaine, untrustworthy business partners, memories of a family tragedy and glammed-out Vegas goons make Chase's summer more stressful than he had hoped for as he attempts to finish a few paintings for a group gallery show. The novel is action-packed, though the character development—particularly with the women—is sometimes superficial. McGinniss (son of another Joe McGinnis you may have heard of) successfully gambles with the notion that whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but what does that mean for Chase and his plans to escape?

Andrés Faulques, a world-renowned war photographer, has retired to a life of solitude on the Spanish coast. On the walls of a tower overlooking the sea, he spends his days painting a huge mural that pays homage to history’s classic works of war art and that incorporates a lifetime of disturbing images.
One night, an unexpected visitor arrives at Faulques’ door and challenges the painter to remember him. As Faulques struggles to recall the face, the man explains that he was the subject of an iconic photo taken by Faulques in a war zone years ago. “And why have you come looking for me?” asks Faulques. The stranger answers, “Because I’m going to kill you.” This story transports Faulques to the time when he crossed continents to capture conflicts on film with his lover, Olvido, at his side. Until she walked into his life, Faulques muses, he had believed he would survive both war and women. As the tense dialogue between Faulques and his visitor continues, the stakes grow ever higher. What they are grappling with quickly proves to be not just Faulques’ fate but the very nature of human love and cruelty itself.

Not your typical boring diet book, this is a tart-tongued, no-holds-barred wakeup call to all women who want to be thin. With such blunt advice as, "Soda is liquid Satan" and "You are a total moron if you think the Atkins Diet will make you thin," it's a rallying cry for all savvy women to start eating healthy and looking radiant. Unlike standard diet books, it actually makes the reader laugh out loud with its truthful, smart-mouthed revelations. Behind all the attitude, however, there's solid guidance. Skinny Bitch espouses a healthful lifestyle that promotes whole grains, fruits, and vegetables, and encourages women to get excited about feeling "clean and pure and energized."

Her Last Death begins as the phone rings early one morning in the Montana house where Susanna Sonnenberg lives with her husband and two young sons. Her aunt is calling to tell Susanna her mother is in a coma after a car accident. She might not live. Any daughter would rush the thousands of miles to her mother's bedside. But Susanna cannot bring herself to go. Her courageous memoir explains why. Glamorous, charismatic and a compulsive liar, Susanna's mother seduced everyone who entered her orbit. With outrageous behavior and judgment tinged by drug use, she taught her child the art of sex and the benefits of lying. Susanna struggled to break out of this compelling world, determined, as many daughters are, not to become her mother.

The smartest eating choices--made simple! The secret to looking, feeling, and living better than ever is not by depriving yourself of the foods you love. It's by making the best choices in a variety of real-life situations. Based on the most popular column in both Men's Health and Women's Health magazines, Eat This Not That is a comprehensive guide to what to eat at home, from the supermarket, even at a fast-food counter. Do you know why a hot fudge sundae is a good dessert option? Why potato chips are better than fries? And why Swiss cheese is three times healthier than Cheddar? With this simple, illustrated guide to hundreds and hundreds of foods--along with the nutrition secrets that lead to fast and permanent weight loss--now you will!

And I've decided I'm going to locate this on my home bookshelf and reread it. I haven't read it since high school and I want to give it another look. I'm looking for something new to read as you can see from the mishmash of shit up there. Can any of you recommend a good non scary book?