Asshole nannies!

So yesterday my asshole nanny came to work. She is the lady who cleans our shop, and for some reason my son warships her so now she has become his at work nanny. It is helpful because I actually get work done while I'm there. However yesterday she let him stay up with out a nap until 5 fucking PM. Then kindly left him with me to deal with. So I'm stuck at home last night with a sleeping child at 5. I was super annoyed because I didn't think he would sleep until morning. I was right. At 5:45 he had a bad dream. The next thing I knew he was in a full melt down mode. For the first 35 minutes I think he was still half asleep and stuck in the dream so he was just going ape shit. Full on snot, booger, tear crying. Shaking, twitching and all around losing his Goddamn mind people. Finally he came out of the dream but was in a state of total over tiredness that he continued to scream for almost two more hours. Let me tell you how bad I wanted to kill someone, anyone at all yesterday. Well except for my son, because hell if I didn't feel so terrible for him.

Do you know how I know he was in a really bad way? Because I got so desperate I started doing irrational shit to make him happy. Including offering him oodles and oodles of chocolate. But people my son was so sad and upset and tired he turned down chocolate. I don't know what was more heartbreaking, his crying or that he didn't want chocolate. He didn't want milk, water, food, medicine, daddy, mama, papa or Elmo. Yeah we were in defcon 2 people, my son was pissed. Somehow I finally turned on Mickey Mouse (hate hate hate mouska mouska wtf is that shit) and he sort of calmed down. I finally went in to change his diaper and we turned Mermaid on in his room and laid down and the next thing I knew he was out.

Ohhh but it wasn't over. Around ten I found a little boy in my bed, and he only wanted me to cuddle him. Which meant laying on my right side (seering death pain, sleeping on right side while pregnant) and letting him sleep on my arm. So while I got zero sleep last night, he had a terrific night of sleep and woke up happy and chipper so I didn't mind. It actually felt good having him lay in bed with me and need me. As he gets older those moments where he needs his mommy are few and far between.

If that nanny comes in today though you can bet I'm going to give her a piece of my mind...I better wear ugly shoes so they don't get dirty when I put my foot up her ass!

Terms of endearment

First of all can I just tell you how annoying it is that Blogger doesn't do a spell check for your blog titles? I suck that bad that I need spell check for the 3-5 little words I post up there.

Anyway I've always been a pretty affectionate person when it comes to men. Meaning most men I speak to I refer to as hon, or dear or something. Now with my female friends this is quite different.

I just sent an email to a friend that started out with, hey ass munch. In my mind this is a very loving term. A few ways I refer to my dear dear friends.

Whore
Slut muffin
Skank bag
Bastard (Actually thats how Katie refers to me)
Jerk (usually what my cousin calls me, no wait, she calls me a jerkus)
Fucker

You get the point. If you are blessed enough to be called one of these names, you should feel a warming sensation in your heart knowing how much I love you. If you are a girl and I refer to you as something like dear, or babe, well then you should know, things between you and, well, they just aren't that serious.

If you are a guy, you can tell you are really loved when I tell you something like, Hey Jason I think you have short mans syndrome. Or you are a whiny cry baby little fucker. Because you know the old saying, if I didn't pick on you anymore it means I don't like you anymore. Which is why when my husband gives me shit, or picks on me, or throws stuff at me, or shoots me with the kitchen sink sprayer, I can rest assured knowing that he still loves me dearly.

How about all of you. Do you have special terms of endearment for the people in your life? Are there things your husband does to show you he still cares? How about things you do to show you still care? Because honestly if I didn't call my cousin an asshole at least once I day, I think she would worry I had stopped loving her. And honestly if Stephanie didn't tell me I was a bitch at least once a week I would surely I must be doing something wrong, and that quite possibly I need to give her just a little more shit to reassure myself her and I are in good standing. And really if I didn't call my son a little shit at least 49985niner times a day he may think I've stopped loving him.

So let me have it. What are your favorite terms of endearment, and your favorite methods of showing love?????

PHATSO PHOTOS 31 WEEKS 4 DAYS

Had my two week check up today and guess what?

I only gained two pounds! TWO! Go me. That makes me right on track with a pound a week...so what if I have an extra 15 pounds in there. To celebrate I had the rest of my tasty blackberry milk shake from Jack in the Box (seriously go get one right now)

I decided this week not to suck it in for my pictures so you can see my belly in all its glory.
Codi is measuring 33 weeks and the doctor says, "that is either because he is big, or because your a little on the, ummm short side." Short side huh. 5' 1" and 3/4 counts as short now. I thought that was cute height, but noooo now I'm short. Gee thanks.

I actually dressed really cute today. I woke up, took a shower with my apple body wash, put on my apple lotion and sprayed on my apple body spray. I headed to work and was promptly puked on by my two year old. All up in my braids and everything! Grrrr. So this was my new outfit! Luckily I was off today so it was okay if I wore it right!


Oh and Christy, I would totally throw on a night gown while I did my hair and make up, ceptin I don't do my hair and I NEVER wear makeup! Sooo I'm stuck struggling into my jeans with wet legs..thats the reason they wouldn't go on, because I was wet, not because I'm fat.

And I just realized the previous entry with the words, "I'm wet" are going to probably get me Googled for some really weird things. I wish I knew how to do that doohicky where I could see what pulled up my name when searched for in Google!

A real self esteem booster

When you just got out of the shower, and are still kind of wet and covered in lotion, trying to squeeze into your maternity jeans might not be the best thing for your self esteem!

Winter means

TIME FOR FOOTIE JAMMIES!!!!!!!!!!

Because Emery made me Brave

Last week Emery so courageously spoke about the pimple she had in her nose. Which I found so shocking because I HAD THE SAME PIMPLE IN THE SAME PLACE! This week, I have a pimple on my ear. Actually it is right where my ear meets my head. It has been driving me nuts ALL DAMN DAY. And since I must pick at every little thing on my face I've been trying to pop it all day long. I finally succeeded just a second ago and that prompted me to come and ask all of you loyal blog readers where the strangest or most painful place that you've ever found a pimple is. Don't be shy, feel free to share!

Misconception

Just to be clear, some of you have read my post down there about my terrific eating habits lately thinking I actually care what the doctor says. NOPE. Just to make it perfectly clear I don't give a flying shit what that doctor says, I'm going to eat, get fat and be merry. So what if I have to go back on my diet after. If you all remember I loved my diet and lost weight very good. Soooo bring on the ice cream people the doctor can kiss my white jiggly ass!!!!

To prove this point I just ate a nice healthy 1360 calorie lunch and I don't even feel bad about it!!!

Food food food

Hey ya'll tonight after 8 make sure to check out the tasty blog. I'm putting up pics of last nights snack/dinner.

Things that have been blowing my whole, hey I'm not going to gain any weight before my next doctors visit thing

1. The box of double chocolate Pepperage Farm soft baked cookies on my counter.
2. The blackberry milkshake I discovered at Jack In the Box last night (pure heaven)
3. The bag of bagels on my counter
4. The box of mini cheesecake bites in my refrigerator
5. The taco bell that jumped in my car
6. The McDonalds that also jumped in my car
7. The visit to Williams Sonoma for cupcakes didn't help
8. The 3 Almond Roca that I found in my cart at Target

I'm doing good huh? That doctors not going to be able to tell me I'm fat!

Heartbreaking

Yesterday I decided to take Brandon to the doctor. He's been throwing up about eleventy billion times a day for at least 4 weeks now. I know he isn't sick so I thought we would research acid reflux. Rob and I got him to the doctor awake this time and he played in the waiting room and even walked into the back like a big boy. Then he got on the scale with out having a full melt down and even let her take his temperature. However when we started walking toward the actual examining room he stopped cold in his tracks, looked at me and said,

"NO I get hurt."

Awww man it was the most heart wrenching thing I had ever heard. He knew that was where he got shots last time and he just broke my little heart.

I got him in the room and he actually let the doctor examine him with out crying (until the doctor started squishing his testicles but come on you would cry too right) and then I wanted to cry because my little boy was being so grown up.

In the end the doctor thinks that he does have acid reflux and gave us a months worth of samples for Previced to try and shrink his esophagus and stop the acid from boiling up. Hopefully this will help him, because as tired of throwing up he is, I'm just as tired of cleaning vomit off my carpet, bed, couch, body, and so on. Hope this helps the little guy!