Divorce is the new pink...wait is pink the new black or is black the new pink? So then is divorce the new black? Gosh I can't keep up with fashion!

Brace yourselves folks this is a long one! Don't say I didn't warn you!

I come from a family that is divorced. Serious, if they aren't divorced from their spouse they are divorced from some family member or other (meaning sisters not speaking to brothers or moms and sons not talking and so on). Not to mention about 90% of the married friends I have are thinking about getting a divorce. Lets see if I can break this down for you:
Mom-divorced
Dad-divorced two times
Grandma 1- divorced ummm 3 times I think
Grandma 2- divorced
Grandma 3- divorced 2 times and remarried
Grandpa 1- divorced and remarried
Grandpa 2- divorced 2 times (not remarried now in prison)
Grandpa 3- divorced 2 times
Uncle 1- divorced 2 times
Uncle 2- divorced and remarried
Uncle 3- divorced
Aunt 1- divorced and now back with him
Aunt 2- divorced once and remarried
Aunt 3- actually still married

Then I have great aunts and cousins and so on that have been divorced 3 or more times and in fact some of them have divorced and married so much we didn't even know it had happened until 3 marriages later. I currently have two friends who don't like their marriages and only one who is really happy. Most of my employees have been divorced, in fact at one point we employed two men who were both divorced from the same lady. So because of this you can imagine why my mom often likes to ask me if, "Rob and I still like each other!" This shit always cracks me up when she says it. It makes me laugh when she says it because, honestly I'm the kind of person that if I wasn't happy with Rob the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD WOULD KNOW! Really I don't keep quiet about stuff. In fact both times in six years I've been mad enough at him for it to be an actual FIGHT (as in I wanted to make his ass sleep on the lawn) the whole damn world knew I was mad. Which was nice, because they also got to see how we worked through those fights, and it helped em see we were just a real couple with real problems, but also as vocal as I am about our fights I'm equally vocal about our love.

My mom has this theory that now, that most marriages are just starter marriages. She always says, if me or my younger family got divorced she wouldn't be shocked because we all need starter marriages now. For a long time I didn't understand her method of thinking. Then I started to look at my friends, and the people around me and I think that I've at least figured out a small part of it. I don't think it is that divorce is so common now that everyone is doing it, I think that it is more socially acceptable so people aren't AFRAID to do it.

What I mean is that way back when, getting a divorce was considered a failure, or a religious conflict, or an embarrassment to the family. Parents were embarrassed to have to tell their friends and family that their precious little Sally or johnny got a divorce. Even if Johnny was totally screwing Sallys best friend right in front of the worlds eyes, it was more acceptable to stand by your man then to man the fuck up and kick his ass out. What is that movie, the one with Julia Roberts, oh yeah Mona Lisa Smile, where her students husband was cheating and when the student went to her mom and said she wanted to leave him, the mom pushed her out of the house and said, you can't stay here, go back to your husband and be a better wife? Ouch huh. I know my own grandma was in one of the worst marriages I can ever imagine and she stayed married for years because to her, it was more acceptable to have your face bashed in daily then to say you were divorced. But shit, once she learned how to divorce she became a pro.

I have this other friend, who clearly doesn't come from a family background like me. She got pregnant young and was forced to marry because you also don't have kids out of wedlock in that family. She hates her husband but is stuck because when she confided in her parents she was told, "You will not be the first person in this family to get divorced." So instead she keeps popping out kids, growing more and more miserable by the day and her mental health is causing her physical health to deteriorate.

It's at this point that I have to ask myself why we care what others think when it comes to our love life? Why on earth would some one stay married to a person they didn't like anymore? Of course your probably always going to love them, and thats going to weigh on your mind, but if you really don't like them anymore I just don't understand. I know that if Rob and I reached that point I wouldn't think twice about doing the right thing. For soo many different reasons too. One, I have kids, they aren't retarded. Kids learn their relationship values from you. They learn to stay in shitty situations because their mom did. They learn to treat their wives like shit because their dad did and got away with it. Another reason, I'm still young, I still have another chance at love. Shit Paula Dean is 60 something and just now found the man of her dreams. Now you tell me why I would stay married to some dumb schmuck, when there could be something better for me. It's true that right now, Rob is the perfect compliment me, but 7 years ago he wasn't. Who knows if in 7 more years I won't change so much again that Rob will no longer be the person who makes me my happiest daily.

Sometimes couples grow and change together, and sometimes they grow apart. I will never understand why people who grow apart choose to be ignorant and think they have to stay together because they already have 10, 20, 30 years into it. In this day in age, even after a 30 year marriage people can easily have another 40 year marriage.

I think divorce is a lot like spanking your child. You were probably spanked because your parents, parents spanked them and so on. But to them it was a social norm. They didn't like it, but they didn't know better. Bad marriages are the same. Everyone just stayed married because they weren't going to be the first one to branch out.

Now a days it's like the new social norm is stepping outside of the box and being different. People don't spank, or BEAT their kids anymore because they are smart enough to realize that just because it happened to you doesn't mean you have to do it. I'm happy that now a lot of people are smart enough to realize that divorce is okay. However, I wish more people would do it. I think with so many people walking around in these false unhappy marriages it really takes away from the brilliance and amazement of those people who have real true great relationships.

For instance, and I don't know this personally, but looking in from the outside, I would venture to say that Emery and Chris have probably one of the strongest healthiest marriages I've ever seen. But there are reasons. They went into a marriage with the same values in life. They are willing to sacrifice for each other, but not to the point of losing their own identity. They both appreciate every little thing they have and so on.

I'm ashamed to say though when I first started reading her I instantly started looking for the snag, the flaw in there relationship. Not because I wanted them to be unhappy, but because I'm surrounded by people faking their lives and I've gotten good at peeling back the lining to see whats real and what isn't.

My friend, the one who can't get divorced, has followed her husband from town to town and job to job. She lost the few friends she was able to keep after having kids so young, she gained weight from depression, she is still recovering and is willing to still follow him. Now on one hand, the fact that she lets this happen sucks, but on the other hand the fact that she is married to a man who sees this happening to her and just lets it happen for his own selfishness pisses me the fuck off. Again, like I said, I'm not in the relationship but I'd like to think if Emery woke up one day full of grief and depression, Chris and her would talk about it, like really talk and hear and LISTEN. Then they would both come up with a solution that would work for both of them. They would probably pray about it and I'm willing to bet they would find a healthy answer, even if it was parting ways, or if it was starting over somewhere new, coming home, staying in one place or maybe just changing a few small things.

Every day I tell myself, I hope if it ever came to that with Rob and I, I would be strong enough to really tell him my feelings (not that me telling feelings is hard). But then I looked back and I realized that any time I have been mildly unsettled I've talked to him about it, and vise versa. Like when he was absolutely miserable in his job but to afraid to tell me that because he was afraid of not supporting his family. I was proud that I was actually able to sense this and confront him. At this time I didn't pray about things (or maybe I was all along and didn't know) but I did what I did best and thought about it, and soul searched and I realized, I couldn't sit there rolling in my money and watch the man that I love waste away to a shell of a man. Finally in the end I had to tell him that I would rather take a 1,500.00 a month pay cut and have him try out new jobs, then watch him be miserable. I had health insurance and he was on it, so that was never a worry. I was lucky I was in that situation. Yeah financially we struggle daily now, but watching him be happy at work, and be able to play softball and play with Brandon and relax and nap and generally lose a few years in the aging process it's worth every cent we lost.

I have to wonder how many wives out there are so selfish they wouldn't be able to take the pay cut and instead would have watched their husbands waste away. It is things like this, people who can't see past their own happiness that give happy functional couples a bad name. It isn't just wives, its husbands who clearly see their wives aren't happy and pretend like it isn't there, because if they got divorced that would mean learning to do their own laundry or making their own food or balancing their check book. So they let this person stand around and keep themselves hostage in their own minds to help fulfill their personal agenda. Obviously Rob may have never come and talked to me about being unhappy and I could have gone on and ignored it, but that wouldn't have been fair. I made the personal decision to better both our lives and let him know, it was okay to take a step in a new direction. As I said, some people grow apart, and some people grow together. I think this was something that helped us grow together.

However, like I said before, the people who are to selfish to change, or to selfless to hurt the others, who have these obviously bad marriages sure do make it harder on the rest of us. I know for a fact, because of the people close to me in my family who are in shit marriages, the rest of the family has now put my own marriage under a microscope. I know there are people who are now scrutinizing our every move because they assume that since we are family, I am in someway similar to those unhappy people. It is a hard stigma to get by. I know that now Rob and I work extra hard to make people understand that we are in a different kind of marriage. We do that in different ways. One way is by being open and talking about problems, but also talking about the resolve. Another way is that we openly include family in our life and relationship. Because after all, isn't that what family is for. I know, after some work and effort, our families have begun to realize that they are included in our lives and we give them a chance to peek into our window and witness our happiness first hand. Even if it is just sending out family pictures weekly or making phone calls, or stopping by for a dinner, we include them. I know when my family gets my pictures they feel included, they feel like they were there and they feel like they have received a little incite into our lives.

I know even if I'm just calling my grandpa for a recipe to blow Robs mind one night, or I'm going to visit grams with Rob so she can tell us about her old soft ball days, I know, these things are my way of being open. I wish more people could do this. Be unafraid to let people in. Marriage is hard work. It takes a whole family to make it work. I would never be so stupid to believe that two people can make a life long commitment to each other work on their own. People who think marriage is only about two people need to re-evaluate. I know that Emery and Chris have tons of people inside their marriage, they have their God for one, their friend Joel, their parents, and their friends. Emery has never been afraid to talk about feeling a little lost, and you know what, when she opens up she gets clarification. I would like to think in some way we all contribute a little to the two of them sticking it out. Just like I know my family and friends are a huge contribution to Rob and I working together.

I started this post in my head a month ago, for no reason. I started writing it a week ago. I just didn't know where to go with it. I guess a part of me was beginning to get frustrated watching all these people I love allow themselves to be unhappy to fulfill a social stigma. However after writing this, I guess what I realized, is instead of concentrating on people who clearly don't want my help or dont' want to accept advice and who aren't willing to make a grand life change, I'm going to concentrate on my friends who are willing. I'm going to concentrate on continuing to surround myself with people who aren't rooting for my marriage to work, but instead are rooting for Rob and I to always find ourselves in a happy state of mind, be it together or separate! I know now, I've made great efforts in finding my new blog friends, or real life friends, and knowing, I'm finally surrounded by people who will never encourage me to do anything but make what ever decision is going to make both Rob and I happy together.

I hope this makes you think. I hope it makes you look at your spouse, fiance, boyfriend or girlfriend and examine them. I hope it makes you turn of your selfish meter for the day and just really look into their heart and see if they are happy and content. Are they happy in their job, their location, their marital status? Do they maybe want kids, or are they having conflict they are afraid to discuss? You know, when you stop making life only about you, and you really take a moment to make life about that person you love, you will be amazed at what you learn about both of you. Good luck. I hope everyone finds their love, even if it is on their fourth or fifth try!

A first on his second birthday

Brandon: *whining*
Mom: whats wrong
Brandon: *whails in poor me sound* BOOGER

So I wipe his nose and say lets take your medicine. After chasing him around the living room and finally pinning him down the little shit spit his cherry Tylenol out! Didn't just spit, but raspberry spit it out so it went everywhere. I just don't get it, usually Brandon loooves to take medicine and actually gets pissed when I put it away!

The birthday boy

Things I learned my son could say and recognize today.

Cow
Pig
Horse
Bird (duck)
Chicken
House (farmhouse)

Can you tell he got a little farm house puzzle today.

He also told me the following things:
I don't like it
I don't want it
I miss you
Kiss
Home please
More Cheeto
More tittle (tickle)
Tool Aid please
More donut
NO I do it
Help help help help (as in help me grandmas trying to change my diaper)
Brandon Birthday
Potty potty potty
Mooomie please (movie please)
Eat mamammomi cheese
Oh and also, hi Jay ya (Jaida) what you doing, nothin, elmo, papa, mommom, outside, truck yeah, nothin, jay ya, jay ya, lisa, see ya bye

HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY BRANDON

THIS WAS BRANDON'S WORK BIRTHDAY PARTY. ALL THIS WAS DONE BY GRANDMA AND PAPA. HE GETS MORE TOYS FROM THEM AND AT HIS BIG PARTY SATURDAY!I WAS SO PROUD HE EVEN BLEW OUT HIS CANDLES

CAN YOU TELL HE LIKED THE CAKE

HIS NEW FAVORITE THING HEAD STANDS AND SOMERSAULTS

OF ALL THE TOYS HE GOT THE BIG RED BALLOON WAS HIS FAVORITE

FINALLY HIS OWN LAPTOP TO DESTROY

A TRICYCLE COOL!

WEE

SEE MY NEW TOYS...THERE WERE SOME NOT PICTURED THOUGH

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 23

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SMALL MONKEY THING USED TO FIT IN THAT BELLY

ITS BLURRY BUT I LIKE THE ROUNDNESS IN THIS ONE

CAN YOU SEE THE WAIST BAND OF MY SUPER HIGH WAISTED MATERNITY PANTS?

WHOAH WHEN YOU DO A CLOSE UP LIKE THAT ALL I CAN THINK IS KAZOW!

Two year olds

Look very closely there is a small monkey child who is super pissed off that mom won't let the cat inside!

Then he got bored and stuck all his magnet letters in the water trap on my refrigerator, put the light cover from inside my fridge into a cabinet and finger painted with a tub of cream cheese (can't believe I didn't get pictures of that)


Ahem....I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be photographing this mom....incriminating evidence


Hey, you know at least I'm color coordinated

Lets see where Brandons been this morning...bathroom sink..check


Toilet seat...check...thats right, since he was splashing in the toilet and his markers are washable everything he touched after wards turned blue and red, including my toilet paper.

Webster ain't got shit on me

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO POST ABOUT THIS! Last Friday my husbands friend from work came over. Some how we got to talking about how Rob and his other work friend used the word swamp butt. Chicky (the friend with an odd nick name) laughed at me and said, "WOW you've never heard the word swamp butt or swamp ass before?" I was like uhhh NOOOOOO sorry girls don't generally talk about that, you know being busy talking about boys and makeup and gossip and all!

So then he says......

"So I'm assuming you've never heard of cheddar before huh?'

Chedder, huh whu, who where.

I proudly say, "umm YEAH (imagine in a snotty tone sort of pronounced yay ya) I eat cheese all the time duh."

He's like, "uh no, you know chedder, the sweaty filmy stuff guys get on their balls."

Insert blank stare here

Insert embarrassed omg did this guy just say that to me face here.

Finally I mumble out a , "uhh no I'm sorry I wasn't aware of that."

This then leads to an entire conversation with three guys and one girl about sweaty man balls, salty balls, and man cheese. Even odder was the fact this new friend Chicky thought I was so terrific because I was willing to sit around and talk ball sweat with him.

No I'm contemplating sending Webster's a memo that they need to go ahead and add swamp ass and chedder to the dictionary so that woman around the world aren't so clueless!

HELP ME BEFORE I CUT OF MY FUCKING HAND!

So for some reason I decided a few weeks ago to get all fancy and paint my toes! However, I have this rule where I take off polish every two weeks to air out my nails so they don't yellow! Anyway I took it off this time with some non acetone nail polish. Next thing I know my fingers are all cracked and sandpapery where they touched the polish remover. What the heck. Is this just some weird pregnancy thing? AND PLEASE OH PLEASE HOW DO I FIX THIS SHIT! I pride myself on my soft hands!

Paying the price

I went for a hair cut today. It turned out fabulous. Know why, because after tip the hair cut cost me $55.00 and honestly I thought that was cheap. There are a few things that I am never cheap on. When I was little (little meaning 20) I bought the most expensive EVERYTHING! Always! No matter what it was I would only purchase name brand and only the highest price. Then I came to my senses and started becoming very picky about what I was and was not cheap on. So here it is, the list of things I will never never go cheap on. Of course there are the obvious things, toilet paper, paper towels, tooth paste, tooth brush and so on but here are the not so obvious!

• HAIR! I go to Genisis here in Reno. They have different level hair stylists there. Begining, intermediate and expert. You pay a lot for expert. I will accept nothing less. However, because of this, I have never left my two expert stylists dis-satisfied. In fact every time I leave with a cut and color that makes me feel like I dropped 20 lbs and morphed into Angelina Jolie!
• Purses. I generally only purchase Coach. There has been one Dooney and Bourke and to be honest the price of it was so low I never really liked it enough based on that. For me, purses, when picked right are something that can last your whole life time and even be handed down. Because of this I only buy good quality purses!
• Cars. Yeah I only buy expensive cars that are well built out of extra sturdy metal and that have all the gizmos. A few reasons. One I need to feel awesome when I drive my car, this way no matter how shitty I look, I look shitty in my fabulous car. Next, I'm very big on safety. You will never ever see me toting my kids around in a car (unless maybe when they are older possibly a BMW is the only car I would accept). My children are my life and to me, to carry them around in some beater car that will combust upon impact makes zero sense to me.
• My son! I tried to do that whole I can shop at Walmart for my sons clothes thing and really, aside from socks I CAN NOT SHOP AT WALMART FOR HIM! In fact unless its Babies R Us or Baby Gap, that shit ain't touching my boy. The biggest reason is this, if I wouldn't wear it why should he? When I shop for myself, as I'm sure you do, I always check the fabric, I only buy soft stuff that seems sturdy and comfy. Why on earth would I then walk around in a nice soft shirt while making my son wear some scratchy WalMart shirt Hmmmmm? Also the stuff at Baby Gap is made so well and their pants are so functional. My son is tall and super skinny. I love how all the Gap pants have adjustable waists so he can wear the right length AND waist! Imagine that!
• Computers. I only use Mac..nuff said!
• Cell Phones. Yeah I need to be able to do it all and more.
• Kitchen stuff. Knives only Wusthof...I mean really why settle for less. Pans Al Clad only. Dutch ovens Le Creuset only. Mixers only the Kitchenaid limited edition color one. Basically in my kitchen only the best will do!
• Food! Everything in my fridge is brand name, and meat has to be high quality.
• Art! No cheap ass scrap booking stuff here, I need stuff that lasts for years!
• Finally, books! I want books that will last and not fall apart or yellow!
• Edited to add (because Jen reminded me) Seriously people the 600 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets...preferably Hotel Collection Brand!
  

Oh wait..My husband...but that is only because he has expensive taste and won't let me be cheap on any of his stuff!

So, what things are you never cheap on? What stuff do you just have to spend your hard earned pennies on and why?