Can you smell that smell?

There is a smell in my house. I can't find it. It is near my kitchen, that is all I can tell. It is not the trash, the disposal, the fridge the floor. It is nothing obvious. I'm trying to avoid lighting a candle and pretending its not there, but it is. I want it gone, it is embarrassing. I'm afraid someone will show up, take on sniff and think I am some sort of messy pig. I'm not. I'm clean. Well, as clean as anyone with a 20 month toddler can be. I won't lie, my couch and carpet may have a few hidden Yo-Gos and Cheetos, but nothing smelly...I don't think. My son does have a habit of hiding his cheese and his milk inside pans in my cabinets, but I don't think that is it either. Has this happened to anyone else, or am I the only grosso with a smell in her house? Shit now I'm embarrassed I wrote about this...I've got to go, I need to search my cabinets for milk and cheese.

Then and now, a post for Jen

I know I have posted about this before but I'm going to talk more about it for Jen, and I encourage you mommies out there to comment and let me know your Then and Nows of parenting. Then is before I had a kid and now is well, now that I'm a mommy.

Then: I criticized any parent who let their child sleep with them. I bashed them for not having the common sense to get their kid out of their bed so they could have normal lives.

Now: I pretend I want my son out of my bed, but when he spent the night away the other night I missed him sooo badly I almost stuck a pillow in his spot.

Then: I would make fun of my friends who wouldn't let their kids spend the night, or who didn't take trips with out their kids and told them they needed ME time and they were being ridiculous and to get over it. I often talked of how when I had a kid I would make sure I kept up with my ME time.

Now: I am fine letting my son go to grandmas for the day but when he spends the night I won't lie and say that both my husband and I don't get sad around 8PM and have to talk each other out of going to get him. It was sooo hard to let him go to anyones house with out me the first time, but I realized I had to do it. I still enjoy my ME time but I think of my son every second.

Then: My child will only eat organic food.

Now: HA! I followed this strictly during the jarred baby food stage. Now though, no way man. Bring on the campbells and Kraft Mac and cheese and the Cheetos and regular string cheese and gasp non organic chicken tenders...yeah, I lost patients for all that, I realized I could only buy what my son would eat!


Then: Kids who scream should be dealt with. They must have bad parents if they are behaving that way at dinner.

Now: I'm to tired to give a shit, if you want to jump on the table, fine whatever just don't wake me I'm sleeping!

Then: My kid will never go out in public with stains or stuff on his face.

Now: Dude, how in the fuck did you find that piece of chocolate while you were in your carseat? I swear you were clean when I put you in there. And also, you don't want to wash your face, fine its you they are staring at not me, go on with your bad self, be messy, thats what kids do, they are messy, in fact, come here, let me smear something on your face, you look extra cute covered in chocolate!

Then: I will change my kids diaper every time he pees.

Now: Shit, where did your diaper go, ooooo you took it off because it was soo full you were afraid you were going to sink if you walked by quick sand. Dammit, I'll try harder tomorrow!

So you can all see what an idiot I was about parenting before I had a kid. I may still be an idiot, but at least now I can speak from my own experience. How bout you other moms out there. Help me out, what things do you do now that you swore you would never do if you became a mom?

it must be Gods food

After my lovely little bank fuck up, I was driving around thinking about how much I wanted a yummy chocolate banana milk shake. I realized I was close to the mall and I could just run into the food court and grab on from Diary Queen. As I walked in I smelled the enticing aroma of Sabbaro greasy mall pizza. Suddenly I found myself in line ordering a slice. Then I wandered over to Dairy Queen and ordered my chocolate banana milkshake. The lady looked at me like I was a retard. She brought it, and before she had even processed my credit card I had jammed a straw in and took a big long slurp! EWWW Yuck, wait, excuse me miss, there is no banana in this. Ooooooo you said banana, I thought you asked for a chocolate vanilla milkshake. Uggggg, yeah whatever retard lady just fix my shit so I can drink it all before I get to my car. Finally she fixed it and I swear I had a TFO (Tiny food orgasm). I came to work and enjoyed my milkshake and pizza. Now, I'm so full it hurts to be alive. I don't know what I've done to myself but I can't move. My gosh I ate wayyyyy to much, and for the life of me I can't stop myself from slurping up the last few drops of milkshake, and sniffing the chocolaty banana fumes!

Turns out, I really could be more of a dumb ass

Rob and I own two homes (toot toot yeah yeah). We rent one of them out. Being the smart financially savvy person I am, I opened a fancy little rental account so that when my very reliable (add a shit load of sarcasm to that word) renters bring their check sometime between the 1st and the 15th I can put it in the rental account so as not to commingle money. Then I go on my fancy little bill pay service, check off the payment and I'm done. Right?

Ha! Not in my world. First, I would have to remember to take the fucking check to the bank. Then I would need to remember when I'm on my fancy bill pay website to check off the little button telling it to come from my rental account and not my personal account. Now, had I done these things, the rent payment wouldn't have come out of my checking account, causing my husbands car payment to bounce. Fuck me!

How is it, I get pregnant and suddenly I can't handle simple tasks like point and click?

I really am that dumb!!! REALLY!

Yesterday I posted my baby picture and the post relating to my first doctors appointment. Here are two of the comments I received:
~~JarretNJulia~~ said...
What a great ultrasound picture. I am glad that everything is looking so great!!!
And it's so cool cause I have my next ultrasound at 8+3 too so I know now what to look forward to :)
Congrats on the Turkey baby ;)

angie said...

Yay for the turkey baby! And I love baby Lou! Too cute! Ultrasounds make no sense to me either but it looks like it's a cute little growing baby.

Ooh and if you are craving chocolate remember what the Dr. said...Eat A LOT!!!!

I read these and I am baffled. I couldn't figure out why everyone was calling my baby a turkey. So I pulled up the photo and I was like well, I guess it kind of looks like a turkey, but what a random thing to notice. And, since I'm hormonal I got all sad that you guys thought my baby looked like a turkey. Then I stopped being stupid and I realized DUH SHANNON!!!!!! Duh you idiot your due on Thanksgiving hence the turkey baby comment. Wow, can I be anymore oblivious and dumb? I'm just glad I didn't share that with my husband and friend who was over, because they would have instantly looked at me and said ARE YOU STUPID, DUH AND DUMB ASS!!!!!!!!

DUN DUN DUN BABY PHOTO

Here is baby Lou at 8 weeks and 3 days! I am due Thanksgiving. The + on the left is the head, the + on the right is the feet. This is a top picture. The dot dead center is where I saw the heart beat. It was like thump thump thump only it was going as fast as my son when he sees chocolate. The nurse whom I love saw me today. She was very proud of my weight and my health. She was also proud of my positive attitude. The only thing she wasn't to happy about is my eating. She would like to see me eat a little more. She said my urine was positive for ketones (in the diet world that means your body is in the lose weight phase) and she would like to see me out of that phase by my next appointment. She encouraged me to increase calories and eat more and more often. She said if something sounds good to eat it, even if its considered unhealthy or bad, you crave things for a reason, therefor nothing is UNHEALTHY OR BAD when you are pregnant and you have a legitimate craving. This baby photo is from the top. Brandon's was from the side, I guess they are floating different. This baby looks a bit smaller then Brandon, but the pictures were about two days apart so it could be just that. All and all everything was excellent and I had good reports!

Stuck in a moment

Last night was my husbands first softball game. I went there and I was so excited. I wasn't dressed nice, in fact I was wearing jeans that are now so big, that when I walked, I had to hold them up by the belt loop because I was too stubborn to wear a belt. Anyway, the point is, I sure wasn't expecting to run into anyone. I turned around and the team behind my husbands, on the other field, was a friend/ex ummm lover and his team. We are still friends so I walked over to say hi. Then I found myself face to face with 3 ex relationships. Two of who are now good friends, and one, well, one who was you know, the one that given the chance I would have done every thing different with.

I was shocked. I think I actually froze as he walked toward me. I didn't even need my glasses because I would recognize that smile full of the most perfect teeth from a million miles away. Not to mention the walk. The cocky saunter he always had. I was just frozen in time. Its not as though we haven't seen each other since we broke up, it was just the first time we had seen each other sober, and in a normal environment. Luckily one of the other friends started talking and I busied myself talking to him, the whole time wondering if I was staring at the other. I maybe said two words to him and he even asked me to come back and chat with him during the game. I simply walked away and stayed on my side of the field, said a simple goodbye and left.

This guy is so much different from all of the other guys in my life. I started pining after him in 7th grade. For some reason, he just didn't want to give me a chance. He wanted to string me along and fuck with my mind. To be honest I blame him for so much of who I was in high school. Every time he picked a different girl over me, I would simply run off and make out with 10 guys just to show him what he was missing. I would sleep with this guy or that guy because somehow in my mind I wanted him to be jealous or something.

Finally the end of sophmore year he gave in. We were a couple. It was amazing and awful at the same time. Here was this wonderful prince of a guy who at the same time, had a way of making me feel so shitty about myself I often found myself conflicted over our relationship. He would tell me how not to wear my hair or what not to wear, and he had this voice, that he would use when he would talk to me like a was 4 year old child who didn't get it. I could have avoided this, I could have stepped up and laid down the law, instead, I chose to sleep with his best friend (who was one of the three guys at the game last night)! I cried the entire time it was happening, because in my mind I knew I was destroying the relationship I had wanted for so long.

We tried to work it out, and the remainder of that relationship turned into who could fuck with the others mind more. The relationship ended bad, beyond messy. The kind of thing that only happens in movies. It was terrible. It fucked with my mind for so long. I still find myself thinking, had we dated when we were younger or waited till we were older, we would have had such a different relationship. There is no part of me who would give up what I have now, but if I could have hand picked on person to be my only serious relationship it would have been him.

More then anything, I really wish it could have ended differently. I wish we could have been adults about it, and that it didn't take 5 years for us to be civil. I also with that we didn't have such great chemistry, I guess the chemistry between us is so great it is explosive at the same time. Last night, for the 2 minutes I talked to him, the chemistry was still there. We both know it, it has always been there, since 7th grade. I'm just sad we never got the chance to really explore how good we could have been together. Like I said, I'm totally happy where I am, this is where I want to be, it would have just been nice, to have a serious normal relationship under my belt, rather then some extreme crazy that ended in pure chaos.

I LOVE YOU

Last night, we called Brandon to say goodnight while he stayed at grandmas. He came running to the phone yelling MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY and I thought my heart couldn't melt anymore. Then I said I love you, and he said I ooov eww! I almost died. He said it back TWICE! Then he said mommy some more, then dada, talked to dada then when I was quite because I was so overwhelmed he said O (Hello). Uggg, it was the best conversation I had ever had with my son to date!

I am just going to go ahead and blame it all on the baby and none on me.

This morning I woke up and felt normal. Then Rob and I went to watch a movie. While we were at the movies I decided to eat: A hot dog, a small popcorn (my own we each had one), a frapaccino and, a box of mini butterfingers. Then we went for ice cream. I felt so full. So full in fact that my pants started getting tight and I was convinced I looked about 5 months pregnant. My belly was all pushed out and I couldn't believe I ate that much. Then I came home and checked my yahoo baby calender and todays entry said:
Your waistline begins to thicken!

I was overjoyed. Of course that was the problem. Of course it is allllll because of the baby and the fact that my belly is going to start getting big. Nothing to do with the fact that I stuffed my face beyond belief.

After my evening puke we went to dinner and now, I'm super stuffed again, only I know its simply because of the baby and not because I at all the beans and rice they served me today!

Check it out, over there on the right

Scroll down, I have started a list of words my son says. Notice how his first words all have asterisks in em!