Being a good mom = obsessed soccer mom...HUH

I don't get it! ! ! I did this stupid little Myspace survery that people are supposed to respond to. So this girl who I only know from online responds to it and fills in all of the blanks. One of the questions asked, "Is there something you have alwasy wanted to tell me?" Here is her response.
i don't know how it is that you are so infatuated with your little, because sometimes I can't stand my kids or hubby. It's just not sane......lol.
So I pondered this for a moment. I replied something along the lines of my son is the worlds greatest and that I hope I'm the same when I have two. Here is her second response.
You are one of those fun mommies and I am one of those meanie ones.
My 3 yr old even says so, just about every time I tell him no. His new thing is to say, "okay fine meany"
It does not hurt my feelings any at all.
I think you are obsessed, but I don't think having any more will cure that. I think you will just get worse. You are gonna be one of those soccer moms who go on and on and on about your kid......it is too funny.

WAIT! I'm going to get worse? So being a good mom who loves her son and makes him her whole world is getting worse? I find this so odd. The second I had my son he became my everything. Right now he is running across the living room at full speed then throwing his legs out from under him and purposely falling. Then he is going into a fit of giggles. Any mom who has ever seen her little boy giggle knows that no matter how crazy they make you or how much you want time alone that giggle just makes your whole heart jump and fill with mush mom power. So as I watch my son do this I think to myself how much I could only dream of being a soccer mom. How I can't wait to have a second child just to be obsessed with both of them and begin blogging about having two little kids that melt my heart.

So what exactly is wrong with going on and on and on about my son? Am I bothering any one here? And if I am, if it bugs you quit reading. When did loving your son unconditionally change to be an obsessed mom? Here is this helpless little guy and all he has in the world is love. If he doesn't have that he doesn't thrive. Before having Brandon I had nothing that I loved this much. I had nothing that was constant in my life that I knew every day I could wake up and be loved.

I honestly don't understand how someone can even have a kid and not feel extreme love for them and want to document their every lives because someday they are going to grow up and lock themselves in their rooms and you won't get to take those pictures anymore. So what if I chase my son around like a crazy camera wielding monster. Maybe he will need glasses because I have mildly blinded him with the flash. SOOOOO. In 10 years when he can't remember these days he will look back at all of my pictures and his scrapbook and the letters I write him and he will know THAT HIS MOM LOVED HIM SO MUCH AND WAS A CRAZY WANT TO BE SOCCER MOM WHO THOUGHT THIS LITTLE BOY WAS THE WHOLE WORLD! ! !

To all the moms out there whose children mean everything to them this blog is for you. Go leave right now run and find your kid and smother them with love and silliness.

I'm not even sure this blog is coherent but I really can't wrap my head around the concept of not being obsessed about your child. Maybe when I get a better grasp on this whole thing I'll write a more profound coherent blog...Wait who am I kidding I don't write that shit. I just write to write to write. And today I'm writing about my son. AGAIN! So stuff it! ! !

A blog for Stephanie.

So I told Steph I after talking to her today that I was going to blog about her. Ha ha I have a feeling that she thought I was going to blog about how she is a crazy workaholic who needs to marry my friend Jason today, settle down and have a kid so our kids can play together and our husbands can argue over whose son throws a better curve ball. She was sooo wrong (neener neener Steph!) I decided that I would rather blog about the new the old and the odd.

Stephanie and I used to be friends. Well sorta kind of. We were those people in 8th grade who pretended to be friends because our friends were pretending to be friends. Actually it stems back to elementary school when we were on rival girl scout teams, (yeah I still remember your troops skit where you all ran around like freaks looking for your important papers that turned out to be toilet paper.) Later high school came along and Stephanie and I more then butted heads (can we say Justin Crowell). That and we were both stubborn chicks with the mind set that we were right you were wrong and everyone else was a bitch. For the most part I had sworn Stephanie off as someone I would never ever in a million years be friends with.

Enter Myspace. I ventured onto that website slowly only adding the three people I actually knew and liked. I began to notice that Steph was on EVERYONES page (you really are)!!!!! My first thought was, God how annoying go away grrrrr. I talked to another one of my friends about this and we agreed that we wouldn't be her friend.

Boing New Friend Request. Shit it was her. So I just looked at it for a while and then I looked at it some more. I walked away from my computer, came back and looked at it again. Finally I wrote her. I said that I was confused because I was pretty sure we weren't friends. She responded with something about not being in high school anymore and moving on. SHIT she was nice and adult and stuff. So again I looked at that friend request and again I walked away. Finally I sucked it up and wrote her again. This started a little trickle of passing emails between acquaintances. Finally after telling her some pretty personal stuff (because I will blab my personal stuff to most anyone) and realizing that she hadn't posted it all over Myspace the next day and realizing she wasn't secretly scamming me trying to find out info just to laugh at me later I did the unthinkable. I walked over to my computer and pushed ADD FRIEND. Whoah. Did I do that? Me? The person who doesn't make new friends especially out of people I consider enemies?

The craziest part is I feel like I might have possibly met someone who could actually become a very close friend in my life. I say met because I feel like I'm meeting her for the first time since we are both such different people now. (By different I mean grown ups who don't talk quite as much shit and don't hate each other over a guy, and who actually have real things to talk about besides how skanky __fill in the blank__ looks). The insane part is we still haven't seen each other since we started talking (the rib cookoff so doesn't count because I was scared shitless to talk to you and ran away with out saying more then uhhsmuh uh huh what who). We email every day and all day long. Seriously Wednesday I think I received 73 emails from her in the 8 hours I was at work. (That is probably less then the 4,793 she received from me). In the morning I rush out to check my email to see if she has written me yet and if not I rush to email her before she gets the chance to beat me to it. Now we are talking about finally meeting up again and I want to vomit at the thought. What if she hates me. What if I sound dorky in person or she realizes I'm to fat and unfashionable to be seen with. What if I have spinach in my teeth or I trip and fall. What if we find out that we were better friends online then we are in person. Something else that freaks me out is the what about the other friends question.

I had this other friend who was actually only my friend in when we were in college classes and her friends weren't there to see. I remember one day hanging out with her at her work and her "REAL" friends came to see her and asked what I was doing there and she was all "I SO DON'T KNOW WHY SHE IS HERE." I was devastated. That was the first time I realized there are public friends and private friends. So now I look at Stephs friend list and I realize its filled with about 200 people who hate me, 4 who like me, 10 who would tolerate me and 30 who don't know me but will hate me as soon as they do. So that is the scary part. How can we become friends when everyone in her life still has the astigmatism that I'm a mean awful man stealing bitch (yeah I was all of those things in high school and more)?

Another thing weighing on my mind is how to become friends with someone I know nothing about. Sure we have filled each other in on a lot of stuff but there are so may other things. I don't know her sisters name, I don't know her parents (not true I know her dad pretty well but only because he used to tease me daily over having sex with Kylen on the job), her family, he hopes her dreams, her past hurts and heartbreaks or her past achievements. How weird is it going to be to hang out with her and her Real, original friends and watching from the side as they laugh at inside jokes and recall things I know nothing about? See Steph doesn't really have to worry about this because I only have three, yes three people that I actually hang out with and she knows all of them. I don't always want to be the second best friend. The friend you go to when all the others are busy. This is the reason I don't make new friends its easier to stick to what I know and not embarrass myself. (Emery this is like you and the Gymboree moms)

So Steph here is my blog for you. These are the thoughts roaming my mind right now. I hope we find away to make a beautiful friendship (if we get our shit together and meet up). I also hope that you and Jason work this out and even if not I know he is the kind of guy who will still become a great friend. I hope you had a great first night at work. I hope you don't work yourself to death. And I hope you remember to make time for me between your 50 jobs. I'll probably email you like 40 times before you read this but I wanted to make sure I got the blog up so you had stuff to read at work instead of actually working.

*Side not to anyone who reads this, yes I know it sounds like a love story or a story of how I met my husband hush, I'm sorry I just have a habit of writing in a lovey dovey matter. So shhh I'm aware okay.

**Side side note to Emery. Do you remember our girl scout skit where we did the 60s or something and you were an astronaut and I was a hippy and Emily Rhyme was a news paper boy and Ginger was there too. Ha ha good times. Remember how they told us it used to be a prison camp and the ghosts where going to come get us. And do you remember how they used to call for seconds at dinner and people would go rushing up. Or how they used to have trivia during dinner. I remember, I even remember that they asked what the M&M stood for in M&Ms candy. However for the life of me I can't remember the answer. Momar do you remember, you were there?



***Side side side note to Steph, wasn't Gina Francis in your troop and maybe Molly Wilcox?

****Side side side side oh you get the point note. How many () can I actually fit in one blog (some one should count that for me!) Ha ha I crack myself up.

Whose bright idea was it to give me super glue.

A few years ago I painted this cute little ceramic floating froggy dude that you put on your sink to hold a kitchen sponge. Yesterday my husband broke it. Being the macgyver that I am I instantly rushed to my most favorite drawer in the house. THE FIX IT DRAWER. This drawer contains everything you need to fix anything: Duct tape, rubber bands, push pins, twisty ties and my personal favorite crazy glue. I grabbed out my crazy glue and squeeeeeeeeeezed it all over the ceramic thingy. Then I popped the top back on and went about my business.

About 45 minutes later I hear, "Honey, (laugh laugh) did you glue the thingy to the tile?). O shit! That sounds like something I would do. After all I'm the girl who crazy glued her stereo knob back on and was forever stuck with one volume and a stereo that wouldn't turn off. I'm the girl who put so much glue on her speaker knob it dripped down inside of the truck and glued the door to the heater vent shut making it so heat couldn't blow into my car. I am the girl who was secretly sitting on the couch trying to peal the crazy glue off my finger with out my husband seeing that so he couldn't laugh at me. I'm the girl who glued my jeans to my legs (I still don't know how in the hell I did that.)



So did I glue the thingy to the tile? Sounds about right to me. I go in and try and pull my little ceramic guy off. I get it off but now there is glue and ceramic shit stuck to my tile. I'm off to see if I own any of that nail polish remover stuff to see if that will take the crap off.

Its a little blurry but this is what my tile now looks like.

Things my son learned this week

How to throw himself on the floor and have a temper tantrum for over 20 minutes.

How do I not pick him up. I'm freaking out people I have never never never never let my son just cry I don't know what to do here.

Things my husband does to make me swoon version 1.0

So a while ago I wrote a blog called Regret that said that you needed to remember the reasons why you love the person your with. So I thought why not started posting the things Rob does that make me swoon so that I can always look back and remember on those days that I want to change the locks on the doors and banish him from the house.

Anyway if you know me you know that I have a minor itty bitty sweet tooth. On top of that I am obsessed with things that are limited edition. When I say obsessed I mean crazy will buy anything must try everything once obsessed. So bad in fact that when I was breast feeding and couldn't eat nuts they came out with two new Reese's, the marshmallow one and the caramel one. Well since I couldn't eat them but I HAD to try them I rushed to the store and purchased two of everything new just to make sure that when I could eat nuts again I would have them there. Yes I'm not kidding I really do buy candy and stress about whether I have enough of a limited edition to last me in case they stop making them. This happened to me once and I was devastated. Kit Kat came out with a new white chocolate covered double chocolate inside Kit Kat and I didn't buy enough and now I'll never never never taste the delicious chocolaty taste of that limited edition Kit Kat.

Back to the story though. Tuesday night Rob went to the store and asked if I needed anything and I asked for asparagus and mushrooms. I wanted to ask for ice cream but that was on the other side of the store and I know he gets mad when I send him running all over the store. When I got home that night I found two containers of Cookies and Cream ice cream which is his favorite flavor. I couldn't believe I didn't ask for ice cream since he was already going to that isle. Then I saw that he had also gotten Gingerbread ice cream. I found that odd since he only eats cookies and cream but thought maybe he wanted to try out a new cookie flavor. So I walked into the bathroom where he was showering and said, "Gingerbread huh?" And he replied....

wait for it...

"Well it said limited edition on it and I know how much you like that stuff so I got it for you to try."



SUPER DOUBLE SWOON. In fact I'm melting again right now just typing about how sweet that was. I didn't even know he noticed my addiction to limited addition sweet treats. Wow.



By the way the ice cream is delicious. It is cinnamon ice cream with brown sugar swirled in and then some ginger bread cookie.

Splish Splash

Bath time again. For some wierd reason I thought maybe I should teach Brandon how to splash in the bath. Now in order to give him a bath, I have to remove the bath mat and baricade myself behind a giant towel to avoid getting soaked. Last night he learned two knew things. He figured out he could fill up a cup and pour it outside the bath and then he learned that he could take his bath toy bag and slam it into the water to make a splash giant enough to splash across the bathroom and all the way to the top of the mirror.


Notice the giant splash and all the water that ended up on me

Brandon 2 Mom ZERO

Hi folks. It's 9:47 AM and we are at work. So far today Brandon has been in trouble twice already. First he tipped over the Companies coveted Raiders Christmas tree covered in Raiders Christmas ornaments. Wait did I forget to say these are special ordered only come once a year never made again because each year has its own year thingy printed on the ornament. Did I forget to mention that this was my moms precious priceless work tree that SHE ONLY PUT UP YESTERDAY! Number of priceless ornaments broken, SEVEN. So I get that disaster cleaned up and I get him back in my office and my phone ring so of course I have to answer. All the sudden I hear the girl in my office saying "SHANNON YOU MIGHT WANT TO COME LOOK AT THIS." I get up walk into the kitchen and find this.




Great. Now what. I made a pathetic attempt to re roll the foil which is virtually impossible, along with trying to unstick saran wrap from itself and re rolling that. This has been a terrific day so far. I can't wait to see what he will get into next. This kid is out of control here. My favorite part is the brand new pack of child proofing thingies sitting on the counter right above the drawer that contained the contraband foil and plastic wrap. However even though I work with a bunch of manly men none of them seem to be able to figure out how to install a silly little drawer latch. Woe is me.

The unvoiceable thoughts

Do you have thoughts that your are afraid to voice? Not because you are scared of getting judged or hurting someones feelings, but because you fear they could come true? I do. The most common one is just wanting a day by myself. I would love to have a day where I slept in, laid around, and did nothing. Followed up by some scrapbooking where no little guy shredded all of my paper and then a nice dinner with out some one climbing my chair and poking me. I would love to do this for just one day. Here is the problem I'm terrified that if I have thoughts like that something will then happen to my son and I will get my wish but it will be all my fault because I asked for him to be gone for just a day. It's the same as when I think I don't want him to grow up. But if I say that then will something happen and then he will never grow up and it will all be because I made a selfish comment and said I didn't want him to get big. Am I crazy thinking these thoughts. Am I just being a doomsdayer (is that a real word?) I hate having these thoughts because it would be so nice to ask my husband for a break for a day. To bad I'm just to scared.

The return of the lacy Bra PEOPLE

Guess what happened this morning. I woke up played with my son, watched some TV, made some coffee, brushed my teeth AND PUT ON MY OLD LACY BRA. Thats right people I said Lacy Bra. Its yellow with pink lace flowers on it and quite raunchy but sweet if I do say so myself. I'm torn between missing my nursing boobs and wanting to jump for joy over being able to wear a bra again. It is out of sheer respect for my readers (yes all five of you) that I do not post pictures of me prancing around in my bras.

Some background here. I don't remember the last time I wore less then a D size bra. This is a little annoying because unless you are a size 0 with a D cup then the bra people generally don't make anything but big-ole-ugly-white-plain-cotton-strap em in and tie em down-old lady bras. So it has actually been close to 5 yeas since I could buy a bra for anything more then function. Since getting pregnant I have been stable at a DD and that was small coming off the first nursing boob phases making me somewhere close to a FFFFFF size. So about two months ago I get it in my head that maybe I could move on from nursing bras and buy some that will at least push the girls up and make me feel somewhat like a female. It worked beautifully. Nevermind they were plain white and black bras they still made my boobs and my stomach become two different areas. While at the store I threw this beautiful C cup bra in my car in hopes that someday I would be able to wear it.

SOMEDAY IS HERE PEOPLE. Although I'm sad that my girls have now shrunk down to measly little C cups I am thrilled to be prancing around in my lace bra. Today is going to be a good day because as we all know, when you have on nice underwear your whole day is instantly better. If you did not know that I advise you to rush out to the nearest pantie sale (gap recently sold panties for .97) and buy yourself one nice matching lacy bra and pantie. Put it on under your normal jeans and T-shirt and I promise your day will be awesome because you will have your own secret. Under your boring old jeans and T-shirt you are a fabulous lingerie model and no one else gets to know.

I am actually pretty sad about losing my girls. I no longer get to walk around and refer to my..
Big guzungas
Girls
Gianormous boobs
Melons
Jumbo Wumbo's

Okay people we have a poopoo issue here

Okay so I know a while ago I blogged about not nursing anymore. What I don't know is why no one warned me what happens to your kids poop when he isn't getting breast milk anymore.

**Things that have changed since nursing stopped**
*Poop quantity went from one a day to three a day
*Nice round little poop turned to hot steaming liquid gooey poo
*Poo that used to stay in diaper is now smeared all over babies but in yellowish drippy fashion and oozing out of diaper
*Mom has gone from calm and collected super diaper changer to, gagging, poo covered sweaty rushing freak


**Things that have not changed since nursing stopped**
*BABY STILL LOVES TO STICK HANDS IN POO

Soo here I am ladies left with a baby who as soon as I undo the velcro diaper straps immediately reaches hands inside to swirl them in his poo. This leaves me to freak out and try holding both legs up while holding both hands and still managing to wipe hot stinky mess from his butt. When does it end people when will the poop madness end?